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95 Amazingly Funny Bad Puns To Share With Your Kids

Glutton for punishment? Good, because we've rounded up some of the best puns for 2022 — to call them merely funny would be a gross punderstatement.

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photo collage of a bad pun loving dad with his daughter, framed by a hamster wearing a crown and a f...
BDG; Getty

Puns are ubiquitous (whether we like it or not) — and while hilarious puns are complex linguistic feats that demand respect, bad puns are dangerously easy to make (and can also be surprisingly funny). Like the knock-knock joke, the funny riddle, the one-liner, or the wonderfully dumb jokes that play on through the generations like broken records, the pun leans hard on wordplay and silliness to win over even the toughest audiences. Even though fathers who can’t stop making dad jokes like to think they’re members of an elite humor squad, a love of corny jokes is universal. What is a pun, really? Simply put, a pun is a joke that exploits the different possible meanings of a word or words that sound alike but have different meanings.

There are as many funny puns out there as there are things to pun about (meaning everything). There are dog puns, cat puns, food puns, animal puns, even puns about puns. The most important thing is memorizing as many of these funny quips as possible, so you’ll have a zinger ready for every occasion.

Funny Puns for Kids in 2022

  1. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
  2. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food was good, but it had no atmosphere.
  3. How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!
  4. I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  5. Need an ark to save two of every animal? I Noah guy.
  6. My friend drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends.
  7. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
  8. What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A may-bee.
  9. What did the ranch say when somebody opened the fridge? “Hey, close the door! I’m dressing!”
  10. You really shouldn’t be intimidated by advanced math. It’s easy as pi!
  11. My new girlfriend works at the zoo. I think she’s a keeper.
  12. To the man who invented zero, thanks for nothing.
  13. I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang, but then it came back to me.
  14. I asked a French man if he played video games. He said Wii!
  15. What should a lawyer always wear to a court? A good lawsuit!
  16. Don’t interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle. Chances are, you’ll hear some crosswords.
  17. What was the one thing the cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control? His pupils.
  18. Coffee has a rough time in our household. It gets mugged every single morning!
  19. What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain? “I guess we’ll just have to make dew.”
  20. Somebody stole all my lamps. I couldn’t be more de-lighted!
  21. The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense!
  22. I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
  23. Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.
  24. Being a vegetarian is one big missed steak.
  25. I was addicted to the hokey pokey, But thankfully, I turned myself around.
  26. My dad unfortunately passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type. His last words were, “Be positive!”
  27. Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
  28. We dressed up as almonds for Halloween. Everyone thought we were nuts.
  29. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
  30. There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don’t worry though — he woke up!
  31. I was hoping to steal some leftovers from the party but my plans were foiled.
  32. What kind of cats love bowling? Alley cats.
  33. Who invented King Arthur’s round table? Sir Cumference.
  34. Is your iPad making you sleepy? There’s a nap for that.
  35. I have a friend whose bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
  36. I lost my mood ring the other day. I’m not sure how I feel about it.
  37. I don’t trust staircases. They’re always up to something.
  38. What washes up on tiny oceans? Microwaves!
  39. I’m good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I just don’t know Y.
  40. My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
  41. If you see an Apple Store get robbed, does that make you an iWitness?
  42. Don’t ever believe an atom. They make up everything.
  43. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
  44. A book just fell on my head. I only have myshelf to blame.
  45. A man sued an airline for losing his luggage. He lost his case.
  46. Why didn’t the sesame seed leave the poker table? He was on a roll.
  47. Did you hear about the guy who tried to grab fog? He mist.
  48. I wrote a song about a tortilla. Actually, it’s more of a wrap.
  49. Why did the can crusher quit he job? He was soda pressed.
  50. I forgot where I dug my watering hole, but I meant well.
  51. Did you hear how they finally caught the brake fluid thief? He said he could stop anytime.
  52. Why was the will so obvious? It was a dead giveaway.
  53. I used to be addicted to soap. But then I got clean.
  54. How much did the pirate pay for corn at the farmer’s market? A buccaneer.
  55. What do you call a fidgety boat at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck.
  56. Why didn’t the medieval army storm their enemy’s castle in the morning? Too many sleepless knights.
  57. What do you call an indecisive bee? A maybe.
  58. What do you call a MMA pig? A porkchop.
  59. What do you call a dinosaur with careless driving? T-wrecks.
  60. Did you hear about the frog working at the hotel? He was a bellhop.
  61. What do call a nondescript potato? A common-tater.
  62. How do you help a missile with insomnia? You rocket.
  63. Why are volcanos so friendly? The lava-ryone.
  64. What do you call an owl magician? Hoodini.
  65. What did the banana go to the emergency room? It wasn’t peeling well.
  66. How do you organize a party on the moon? You planet.
  67. What do you call a curious lizard? An investi-gator.
  68. Did you hear about the dog? Paws what you’re doing and listen.
  69. That dolphin is so rude, but it doesn’t do it on porpoise.
  70. Why don’t cows wear sandals? Because they lactose.
  71. What did the varmint say when it got off work? “I could really gopher a drink.”
  72. Why are oysters greedy? Because they’re shellfish.
  73. Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the udder side.
  74. Why do bees have terrible hairstyles? Because they use honeycombs.
  75. What’s the saddest kind of bird? A bluebird.
  76. Pigs are no fun to hang around. They’re just a boar.
  77. Why can’t you accuse a cat of counting cards? Because you’ll say he’s a cheetah, and then he’ll say you’re lion.
  78. What did the Dalmatian say after lunch? “That hit the spot!”
  79. Why did the kid cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
  80. What did the limestone say to the geologist? “Don’t take me for granite!”
  81. How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced? About a buck an ear.
  82. What is a computer’s favorite snack? Computer chips!!
  83. How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles!
  84. Why couldn’t the pony sing a lullaby? She was a little horse.
  85. What kind of award did the dentist receive? A little plaque.
  86. Why do bees stay in the hive during winter? Swarm!
  87. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  88. Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
  89. Geology rocks, but geography is where it’s at!
  90. Can February March? No, but April May.
  91. Some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped. It was otter chaos!
  92. Long fairy tales tend to dragon.
  93. My sister bet I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
  94. I knew a guy who collected candy canes. They were all in mint condition.
  95. Having the ability to fly would be so uplifting.

Editor’s note: All of these fun puns are in the public domain. However, we spotted a few of these on Parade, The Dad, Pun Jokes, Quora, Barry Popik, and Tiny Beans, which we can’t recommend strongly enough.

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