Kids love to laugh, and jokes are great tools every parent should have in their arsenal, especially during stressful times. Nothing lightens the mood like the ridiculousness of a corny joke or riddling off a reserve of cheesy quips. For kids, it can definitely be a reprieve from long days cooped up at home, frustrating school days, or conflict between siblings.
With older kids, it’s always a toss-up whether corny jokes will elicit a laugh or an eye-roll, and what works one day might be deemed uncool the next. But these corny jokes don’t have expiration dates, so you can bust them out for years to come. This list has something for everyone, from animal jokes to food jokes, math jokes, and Star Wars jokes. (Everyone who likes corny jokes, that is.) And although these funnies might annoy your spouse (and any other adults nearby), they’ll make any kid laugh. So, whatever works, right?
The Best Animal Dad Jokes
- Why did the jaguar eat the tightrope walker?
It was craving a well-balanced meal.
- What is a knight’s favorite fish?
- What do you call a sleeping bull?
- Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
- Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure?
He’s a little shellfish.
- What do you call a fish without eyes?
- What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
- What do you call an alligator in a vest?
- What do you get when you cross a lemon and a cat?
A sour puss.
- What did the snail say when it was riding on the turtle’s back?
- Why don’t big cats play poker in the safari?
Too many cheetahs.
- Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they are really good at it.
- Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby?
He was a little hoarse.
- What do you call a duck that gets all A’s?
A wise quacker.
- How do you catch a whole school of fish?
- What did the horse say after it tripped?
“Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
- How do you keep a bull from charging?
Take away its credit card.
- What do you call an illegally parked frog?
- How did the black cats end their fight?
They hissed and made up.
- Why can’t you play hockey with pigs?
They always hog the puck.
- What do you call a snake wearing a hard hat?
A boa constructor.
- What did one horse say to the other at the dance?
“You mustang-o with me.”
- What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?
- Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
- Why are frogs happy?
They eat whatever bugs them!
- What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?
A walkie talkie.
- What kind of footwear do frogs prefer?
- What chain can you eat?
A food chain.
The Best Food Dad Jokes
- What do you call a shoe made of banana peels?
- Why do melons have weddings?
Because they cantaloupe.
- Why did the baby strawberry cry?
His parents were in a jam.
- Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
“Because she was stuffed.”
- Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
The bartender said, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
- After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table.
I needed a running start, but I made it!
- I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage.
The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity!
- How do you make a lemon drop?
Just let it fall.
- Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory?
Lack of concentration.
- What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
- How many apples grow on trees?
All of them!
- Why did the cookie cry?
Because his father was a wafer so long!
- Cashier: “Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?”
Shopper: “No, just leave it in the carton!”
- What is brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
- A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
- What does a nosey pepper do?
It gets jalapeno business.
- Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel!
- What did Obi-Wan say to Luke when he was having trouble using chopsticks?
“Use the fork, Luke.”
- When should you go at red and stop at green?
When eating a watermelon.
- How do you make an egg laugh?
Crack it up.
- What do you call a toothless bear?
A gummy bear.
- What do you call counterfeit spaghetti?
- How do you turn soup into jewelry?
Add 24 carrots.
The Best Sports Dad Jokes
- What do skateboards and magicians have in common?
They both do tricks.
- Why did the man get hit by a bike every day?
He was stuck in a vicious cycle.
- If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get?
- Why did the bike fall over?
It was two tired.
- Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
- What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match.
- Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?
She kept running away from the ball!
- What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match!
- What animal is always at a baseball game?
- How do cyclists train for their sport?
The Best Location Dad Jokes
- What did the ocean say to the shore?
Nothing it just waved.
- Why are there gates surrounding cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It’s fine now, she woke up.
- What has ears but can’t hear?
- Why does Waldo wear stripes?
Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.
- Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin?
It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.
- What does a house put on to work?
- What did the ocean say when it was asked on a date?
- How do you pass a message to a fish?
Drop it a line.
- Where does an ocean not have water?
- How do you organize a party on Mars?
- What building has the most stories?
- Why don’t trees take the bus?
They can never decide on a root.
- What did Tennessee?
- Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank.
- How do billboards communicate?
The Best Potty Humor Dad Jokes
- What did one toilet say to another?
“You look flushed.”
- Spring is here!
I got so excited I wet my plants!
- If you’re American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
- Do you want to hear a poop joke?
Nevermind. It’s too corny.
- What did you get when you mix castor oil with holy water?
A religious movement.
- Today I learned that diarrhea is hereditary.
It runs in your jeans.
- What’s the definition of surprise?
A fart with a lump in it.
- When is the best time to go to the restroom?
The Best Work and Office Dad Jokes
- What do you call a singing laptop?
- What did the policeman say to the belly button?
“You’re under a-vest.”
- Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
Because it’s pointless.
- What do lawyers wear to court?
- How do vampires start letters?
Tomb it may concern…
- What did the laundryman say to the impatient customer?
“Keep your shirt on!”
- To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
You have my Word!
- Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
- What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
- What’s red and bad for your teeth?
- If you see a robbery at an Apple store, does that make you…
- What does a baby computer call his father?
- Why did the student eat his homework?
Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
- What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
- How does a scientist freshen her breath?
- Why was the broom late for work?
- How do you define a farmer?
Someone who is good in their field.
- Why do shoemakers go to heaven?
They all have good soles.
- How do astronauts get their children to sleep?
- What do you call music for chiropractors?
The Best Fantasy and Horror Dad Jokes
- What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
- Which school subject was the witch’s favorite?
- What do you call a boring dinosaur?
- What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair?
Chocolate chip wookiee.
- What do elves learn in school?
- Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift?
She had bad blood.
- Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it.
- Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
Because he was sitting on the deck!
- What do you call a blind dinosaur?
- What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t show up?
“Someday my prints will come!”
- What did one snowman say to the other?
“Can you smell carrots?”
- How does the moon cut his hair?
- How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?
With a pumpkin patch.
- What does Kermit the Frog and Attila the Hun have in common?
They both have the same middle name.
- Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?
He wanted to find Pluto!
- Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she will let it go.
The Best All-Around Dad Jokes
- I sold my vacuum the other day.
All it was doing was collecting dust.
- What did the hat say to the scarf?
“You hang around, and I’ll go ahead.”
- What did the right eye say to the left eye?
“Between you and me, something smells.”
- How do you make Lady Gaga mad?
Poke her face.
- Did you hear I’m reading a book about anti-gravity?
It’s impossible to put down.
- What does a spy do when he gets cold?
He goes undercover.
- Why did the kid cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
- Why did Mozart sell his chickens?
Because they kept saying “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
- What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
- Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it’d be a foot.
- Why is the grass so dangerous?
It’s full of blades.
- What’s brown and sticky?
- It’s not appropriate to make a dad joke if you’re not a dad.
It’s a faux pa.
- I like telling Dad jokes.
Sometimes he laughs!
- What do you call a man named David without an ID?
- Can February march?
No, but April may.
- What kind of bow is never crossed?
- What beans never grow?