Kids love to laugh, and corny jokes are a great tool in any parent’s arsenal, especially during stressful times. Nothing lightens the mood like the ridiculousness of a corny joke, and having a vast reservoir of funny, corny jokes for kids can help defuse tension during long days cooped up at home, moments of frustration with school, or conflict between siblings.
With older kids, it’s always a toss-up whether corny jokes will elicit a laugh or an eye-roll, and what works one day might be deemed uncool the next. But these corny jokes don’t have expiration dates, so you can bust them out for years to come. From animal jokes to food jokes, math jokes, and Star Wars jokes, this list has something for everyone. (Everyone who likes corny jokes, that is.) And though these corny jokes might annoy your spouse (and any other adult humans in the vicinity) they’ll definitely make your kid laugh. Whatever works, right?
99.What did the police man say to the belly button?
You’re under a-vest.
98.What did the ocean say to the shore?
Nothing it just waved.
97.Why do melons have weddings?
Because they cantaloupe.
96.What do you call a sleeping bull?
95.Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
Because it’s pointless.
94.Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
93. Why did the man get hit by a bike every day?
He was stuck in a vicious cycle.
92. What did one toilet say to another?
You look flushed.
91. Why did the baby strawberry cry?
His parents were in a jam.
90. Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure?
He’s a little shellfish.
89. If athlete’s get athletes foot what do elves get?
88. Why did the bike fall over?
It was two tired.
87. Why are there gates surrounding cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in.
86. What do lawyers wear to court?
85. Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
84. What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match.
83. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It’s fine now, she woke up.
82. What do you call a fish without eyes?
81. What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
80. Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?
She kept running away from the ball!
79. Which school subject was the witch’s favorite?
78. How do vampires start letters?
Tomb it may concern…
77. What has ears but can’t hear?
76. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed?
75. What do you call a boring dinosaur?
74. What did the laundryman say to the impatient customer?
Keep your shirt on!
74. Why do bicycles fall over?
Because they are two-tired!
73. I sold my vacuum the other day.
All it was doing was collecting dust.
72. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
71. Why does Waldo wear stripes?
Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.
70. What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair?
Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
69. To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
You have my Word!
68. What do elves learn in school?
67. Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift?
She had bad blood.
66. Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
The bartender said, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
65. What do you get when you cross a lemon and a cat?
A sour puss.
64. Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
63. After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table.
I needed a running start, but I made it!
62. What did the snail say when it was riding on the turtle’s back?
61. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it.
60. Why don’t big cats play poker in the safari?
Too many cheetahs.
59. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
Because he was sitting on the deck!
58. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
57. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
56. I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage.
The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity!
55. What did the hat say to the scarf?
You hang around, and I’ll go ahead.
54. What’s red and bad for your teeth?
53. What did the right eye say to the left eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
52. How do you make Lady Gaga mad?
Poke her face.
51. Did you hear that I’m reading a book about anti-gravity?
It’s impossible to put down.
50. How do you make a lemon drop?
Just let it fall.
49. 5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
48. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they are really good at it.
47. Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby?
He was a little hoarse.
46. What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up?
Someday my prints will come!
45. What do you call a duck that gets all A’s?
A wise quacker.
44. Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory?
Lack of concentration.
43. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you…
42. How do you catch a whole school of fish?
41. What did one snowman say to the other?
Can you smell carrots?
40. What does a spy do when he gets cold?
He goes undercover.
39. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
38. How does the moon cut his hair?
37. What did the horse say after it tripped?
“Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
36. How do you keep a bull from charging?
Take away its credit card.
35. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?
With a pumpkin patch.
34. How many apples grow on trees?
All of them!
33. What do Kermit the Frog and Attila the Hun have in common?
They both have the same middle name.
32. What does a baby computer call his father?
31. Why did the kid cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
30. What do you call an illegally parked frog?
29. Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?
He wanted to find Pluto!
28. How did the black cats end their fight?
They hissed and made up.
27. Why can’t you play hockey with pigs?
They always hog the puck.
26. Why did the cookie cry?
Because his father was a wafer so long!
25. What do you call a snake wearing a hard hat?
A boa constructor.
24. What did one horse say to the other at the dance?
You mustang-o with me.
23. Why did Mozart sell his chickens?
Because they kept saying “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
22. Why did the student eat his homework?
Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
21. What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
20. What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?
19. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
18. What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
17. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it’d be a foot.
16. Why are frogs happy?
They eat whatever bugs them!
15. What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?
A walkie talkie.
14. “Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?” The cashier asked.
“No, just leave it in the carton!”
13. What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
12. A sandwich walks into a bar.
Barman says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”
11. Why is the grass so dangerous?
It’s full of blades.
10. What’s brown and sticky?
9. It’s not appropriate to make a dad joke if you’re not a dad.
It’s a faux pa.
8. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she will let it go.
7. What does a nosey pepper do?
It gets jalapeno business!
6. Spring is here!
I got so excited I wet my plants!
5. Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel!
4. What did Obi-Wan say to Luke when he was having trouble eating at a Chinese restaurant?
“Use the fork, Luke.”
3. If you’re American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
2. Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin?
It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.
1. I like telling Dad jokes.
Sometimes he laughs!