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75 Corny Jokes to Tell to Kids You Love (And Adults You Hate)

Remember: Dad jokes are funny as long as you think they are.

Julia Barnes for Fatherly

Kids love to laugh — and you love to make them laugh. What you need is a vast reservoir of corny jokes to keep kids on their toes and cracking up. To help you in that quest, here are 75 of the funniest corny jokes, guaranteed to make your kids laugh, while also annoying your spouse and any other adult humans in the vicinity. We’ve got animal jokes, food jokes, math jokes, and even some Star Wars jokes on this list, so you’ll have a corny joke on hand for every occasion. Just remember that it’s all in the delivery, and this is an important time when you can shape your child’s sense of humor. But these corny jokes do not have expiration dates — you can bust these out for years to come. 

75. Why do bicycles fall over?

Because they are two-tired!

Fatherly IQ
  1. How often do you and your spouse argue over the family budget?
    Rarely. We set it together and stick to it as best we can.
    Sometimes. We try not to, but it’s occasionally unavoidable.
    A lot. It’s a regular source of contention.
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74. What did one snowman say to the other?

Can you smell carrots?

73. I sold my vacuum the other day.

All it was doing was collecting dust.

72. What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An in-vest-igator.

71. What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair?

Chocolate Chip Wookiee.

70. Why does Waldo wear stripes?

Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.

69. To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.

You have my Word!

68. What do elves learn in school?

The elf-abet.

67. Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift?

She had bad blood.

66. Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.

The bartender said, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”

65. What do you get when you cross a lemon and a cat?

A sour puss.

64. Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

63. After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table.

I needed a running start, but I made it!

62. What did the snail say when it was riding on the turtle’s back?


61. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldn’t see himself doing it.

60. Why don’t big cats play poker in the safari?

Too many cheetahs.

59. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?

Because he was sitting on the deck!

58. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?


57. What do you call a blind dinosaur?


56. I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity!

55. What did the hat say to the scarf?

You hang around, and I’ll go ahead.

54. What’s red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

53. What did the right eye say to the left eye?

Between you and me, something smells.

52. How do you make Lady Gaga mad?

Poke her face.

51. Did you hear that I’m reading a book about anti-gravity?

It’s impossible to put down.

50. How do you make a lemon drop?

Just let it fall.

49. 5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.

48. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they are really good at it.

47. Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby?

He was a little hoarse.

46. What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up?

Someday my prints will come!

45. What do you call a duck that gets all A’s?

A wise quacker.

44. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you…

…an iWitness?!

43. Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory?

Lack of concentration.

42. What did the laundryman say to the impatient customer?

Keep your shirt on!

41. How do you catch a whole school of fish?

With bookworms.

40. What does a spy do when he gets cold?

He goes undercover.

39. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

38. What did the horse say after it tripped?

“Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”

37. How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

36. How do you keep a bull from charging?

Take away its credit card.

35. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?

With a pumpkin patch.

34. How many apples grow on trees?

All of them!

33. What does a baby computer call his father?


32. What do Kermit the Frog and Attila the Hun have in common?

They both have the same middle name.

31. Why did the kid cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

30. What do you call an illegally parked frog?


29. Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?

He wanted to find Pluto!

28. How did the black cats end their fight?

They hissed and made up.

27. Why can’t you play hockey with pigs?

They always hog the puck.

26. Why did the cookie cry?

Because his father was a wafer so long!

25. What do you call a snake wearing a hard hat?

A boa constructor.

24. Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying “Bach, Bach, Bach!”

23. What did one horse say to the other at the dance?

You mustang-o with me.

22. Why did the student eat his homework?

Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!

21. What’s Forrest Gump’s password?


20. What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?


19. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because the “P” is silent.

18. What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck!

17. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it’d be a foot.

16. Why are frogs happy?

They eat whatever bugs them!

15. What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?

A walkie talkie.

14. “Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?” The cashier asked. 

“No, just leave it in the carton!”

13. What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?

A coconut on vacation.

12. A sandwich walks into a bar.

Barman says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”

11. Why is the grass so dangerous?

It’s full of blades.

10. What’s brown and sticky?

A stick. 

9. It’s not appropriate to make a dad joke if you’re not a dad.

It’s a faux pa.

8. What does a nosey pepper do?

It gets jalapeno business!

7. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she will let it go.

6. Spring is here!

I got so excited I wet my plants!

5. What did Obi-Wan say to Luke when he was having trouble eating at a Chinese restaurant?

“Use the fork, Luke.”

4. Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?

Because they might peel!

3. Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin?

It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.

2. If you’re American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?


1. I like telling Dad jokes.

Sometimes he laughs!