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The 22 Best Funny One-Liners: Clean Jokes for Kids

Help your kid get to the punchline as quickly as possible.

Not all jokes for kids are created equal. How many more times can someone tell the one-liner joke about the chicken needing to get to the other side of the street before kids protest the streets en masse for better funny one-liners? And while there are plenty of long-winded jokes that last five minutes for a single punchline, who has the time? Rather than teach your kid long, complex jokes, go with brevity, especially because these quick jokes can be a little corny. (Not that there’s anything wrong with a cheesy joke.) The one-liner is a tried and true formula that gets quick laughs and will help make your kid the Rodney Dangerfield of preschool.

With that in mind, here are 20 clean, funny one-liners that will help your kid get to the punchline as quickly as possible. If one doesn’t land, just move on to the next one. Because that’s the beauty of the one-liner, good or bad: it’s over before you know it.

1. There are three types of people: those who can count and those who can’t.

2. A sandwich tried to get a reservation at a restaurant, but the waiter said they don’t serve food there.

3. I wanted to be a doctor but I didn’t have the patients.

4. A man walked into a bar. Ouch.

5. I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.

6. I tried writing with a broken pencil but it was pointless.

7. Don’t spell part backward. It’s a trap.

8. I just flew in from New York and boy are my arms tired.

9. I was going to tell a pizza joke but it was too cheesy.

10. I heard Cinderella tried out for the basketball team, but she kept running away from the ball.

11. Velcro is the ultimate rip-off.

12. Leopards are terrible at hide-and-seek because they’re always spotted.

13. I’m throwing a space-themed party for my birthday but I don’t want to planet.

14. Whoever invented knock-knock jokes deserves a no-bell prize.

15. Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me — it means a lot.

16. There was a kidnapping on a school bus but it’s fine. He woke up.

17. I’m on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.

18. One bird can’t make a pun. But toucan.

19. Two burglars stole a calendar last night and they each got six months.

20. I just found out I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

21. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can

22. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.