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Best Funny One-Liners: Clean Jokes for Kids

Help your kid get to the punchline as quickly as possible.

Brevity is the soul of wit, and this is especially true when it comes to kids telling jokes, as their adorable tendency to ramble often leads to long-winded jokes that end with convoluted punchlines. So rather than teach your kid long, complex jokes, go with funny one-liners. As the name suggests, one-liner jokes can be delivered in a single line without any back and forth. It’s a tried-and-true formula that gets quick laughs and will help make your kid the Rodney Dangerfield of preschool.

With that in mind, here are 20 clean, funny one-liners that will help your kid get to the punchline as quickly as possible. If one doesn’t land, just move on to the next one. Because that’s the beauty of the one-liner, good or bad: it’s over before you know it.

1. There are three types of people: those who can count and those who can’t.

2. I wanted to be a doctor but I didn’t have the patients.

3. A man walked into a bar. Ouch.

4. I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.

5. Don’t spell part backward. It’s a trap.

6. I just flew in from New York and boy are my arms tired.

7. I was going to tell a pizza joke but it was too cheesy.

8. A sandwich tried to get a reservation at a restaurant, but the waiter said they don’t serve food there.

9. Two burglars stole a calendar last night and they each got six months.

10. Velcro is the ultimate rip-off.

11. Leopards are terrible at hide-and-seek because they’re always spotted.

12. There was a kidnapping on a school bus but it’s fine. He woke up.

13. I tried writing with a broken pencil but it was pointless.

14. I’m throwing a space-themed party for my birthday but I don’t want to planet.

15. Whoever invented knock-knock jokes deserves a no-bell prize.

16. Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me — it means a lot.

17. I’m on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.

18. One bird can’t make a pun. But toucan.

19. I just found out I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

20. I heard Cinderella tried out for the basketball team, but she kept running away from the ball.