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Best Jokes For Kids: 48 of the Funniest (and Clean) One Liners That Bring the Laughs

Help your kid get to the punchline as quickly as possible.

The funny one-liner is an age-old comedy art form. It’s humor, distilled down to its purest form. Dangerfield nailed it. Mitch Hedberg and Stephen Wright, too. And funny one-liners are often the ideal way to get a chuckle out of kids (Did you hear the one about the guy who told his 6-year-old a long-winded joke? His kid rolled his eyes and walked away after the first 20 seconds). But some short jokes cheat their way to a laugh by using bad words or sexual innuendos, which might work as a one-liner to use on teenagers, but aren’t age appropriate for younger kids. It’s much harder to come up with clever and clean one-liners. Think of it as Seinfeld versus Chapelle: both are funny, but only one comedian can play in the background while your 10 year-old is still awake. With that in mind, here are 48 clean, funny one-liner jokes for kids that get to the punchline as quickly as possible. If one doesn’t land, just move on to the next one. Because that’s the beauty of the one-liner, good or bad: it’s over before you know it.

  1. If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
  2. What did one wall say to the other wall? I’ll meet you at the corner!
  3. What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese!
  4. If you need help building an ark, I Noah guy
  5. Would a cardboard belt be a waist of paper?
  6. A sandwich tried to get a reservation at a restaurant, but the waiter said they don’t serve food there.
  7. There are three types of people: those who can count and those who can’t.
  8. I wanted to be a doctor but I didn’t have the patients.
  9. A man walked into a bar. Ouch.
  10. I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.
  11. I tried writing with a broken pencil but it was pointless.
  12. I heard Cinderella tried out for the basketball team, but she kept running away from the ball.
  13. I just flew in from New York and boy are my arms tired.
  14. I was going to tell a pizza joke but it was too cheesy.
  15. I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me.
  16. Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own question? I do.
  17. A sandwich tried to get a reservation at a restaurant, but the waiter said they don’t serve food there.
  18. There are three types of people: those who can count and those who can’t.
  19. Don’t spell part backward. It’s a trap.
  20. Don’t believe the hype. Velcro is the ultimate rip-off.
  21. Do you know how scientists freshen their breath? With experi-mints!
  22. I recently saw a sign that said “Watch for Animals.” What a great deal!
  23. I’m throwing a space-themed party for my birthday but I don’t want to planet.
  24. The perfectionist walked into the bar because it wasn’t set high enough.
  25. I hate Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves.
  26. If at first you don’t succeed with a crowbar, pry, pry again.
  27. I tried to do my homework but my pencil broke, so it was pointless.
  28. I had a dream I was eating a giant marshmallow and when I woke up my pillow was gone.
  29. Whoever invented knock-knock jokes deserves a no-bell prize.
  30. The future, the present, and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
  31. Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me — it means a lot.
  32. There was a kidnapping on a school bus but it’s fine. He woke up.
  33. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  34. One bird can’t make a pun. But toucan.
  35. The more this towel dries, the wetter it gets.
  36. I finished the puzzle in six months, even though the box said it would take 4-5 years.
  37. Two burglars stole a calendar last night and they each got six months.
  38. If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?
  39. I just found out I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
  40. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can…
  41. So what if I don’t know what Armageddon means? It’s not the end of the world.
  42. I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner as all it was doing was gathering dust.
  43. I ate an alarm clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.
  44. I’ve just written a song about tortillas; actually, it’s more of a rap.
  45. I’m on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
  46. Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
  47. What do dogs do when watching a DVD?  They press paws.
  48. Leopards are terrible at hide-and-seek because they’re always spotted.