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70 Dumb Jokes Kids Love Anyway

Your kids haven't heard these before — even if you definitely have!

Julia Barnes for Fatherly

Jokes! Kids love ’em — especially dumb jokes. And luckily for parents who like to show off their dad jokes, kids don’t mind a joke that’s silly or stupid. They’re more interested in laughing than criticizing, even if a joke isn’t exactly clever. The bad news for parents is that there are only a few years, what we’ll call the pre-tween era, in which to enjoy what dumb jokes for kids can do, so we recommend telling as many as possible. We’re talking puns, corny jokes, knock-knock jokes, and other bad jokes for kids that would make any sane adult groan. Savor this fleeting moment when bad jokes are still met with laughs. This collection of stupid dad jokes and silly riddles for kids will get you started, but when the stakes are this low, the options are limitless. Study up, and keep some of those jokes in your back pocket for when you need to get a laugh out of your kids.

  1. What did the policeman say to his belly button?
    You’re under a vest.
  2. What’s brown and sticky?
    A stick.
  3. How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
    You listen for coughin’ in his coffin.
  4. What animal has more lives than a cat?
    Frogs, they croak every day!
  5. What’s the difference between a well-dressed person on a unicycle and a poorly dressed person on a bike?
  6. When does a joke turn into a dad joke?
    When it becomes apparent.
  7. Can one bird make a pun?
    No, but toucan.
  8. When is a door not a door?
    When it’s ajar.
  9. Why wasn’t the letter delivered?
    It was stationery.
  10. Why did the traffic light turn red?
    It had to change in the middle of the street.
  11. How can you tell when a bike is thinking?
    Their wheels are turning.
  12. What events do spiders love to attend?
  13. Why are teddy bears never hungry?
    They are always stuffed.
  14. What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
  15. What do kids wear when they can’t play with a phone?
    Bored games.
  16. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
  17. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
    Because he felt crummy.
  18. How do mountains stay warm in winter?
  19. Why do artists constantly feel cold?
    Because they’re surrounded by drafts.
  20. What do you call an old snowman?
  21. Why are ghosts such bad liars?
    Because you can see right through them.
  22. What has ears but can’t hear?
    A cornfield. 
  23. How do you catch a whole school of fish?
    With bookworms.
  24. What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
  25. Why didn’t the zombie go to school?
    He felt rotten!
  26. What did one plate say to the other plate?
    Dinner’s on me!
  27. Why did the pony get sent to his room?
    He wouldn’t stop horsing around.
  28. What do you call a cow that eats your grass?
    A lawn moo-er.
  29. Why do fish live in saltwater?
    Because pepper makes them sneeze!
  30. What did the fisherman say to the magician?
    Pick a cod, any cod.  
  31. What does a nosey pepper do?
    Gets jalapeño business!
  32. Why did the banana go to the hospital?
    He was peeling really bad.
  33. Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?
    He was looking for his buddy Pluto.
  34. What are the two things you can’t have for breakfast?
    Lunch and dinner.
  35. Where do you learn to make banana splits?
    At sundae school.
  36. What did the limestone say to the geologist?
    Don’t take me for granite!
  37. What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?
    A stega-snore-us.
  38. Why do seagulls live by the sea?
    Because if they lived by the bay, they’d be bagels!
  39. What bone will a dog never eat?
    A trombone.
  40. How does a scientist freshen her breath?
    With experi-mints! 
  41. Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory?
    Lack of concentration.
  42. What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?
  43. What did the Dalmatian say after lunch?
    That hit the spot!
  44. Why can’t a leopard hide?
    Because he’s always spotted!
  45. Why should you not let a bear operate the remote?
    He will keep pressing the paws button.
  46. What is a robot’s favorite snack?
    Computer chips.
  47. What’s the biggest moth in the world?
    A mammoth.
  48. What do you get if you cross a frog with a rabbit?
    A bunny ribbit.
  49. What type of markets do dogs avoid?
    Flea markets!
  50. What do music and chickens have in common?
    Bach, Bach, Bach!
  51. Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
    They have two left feet.
  52. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
    A do-you-think-he-saw-us.
  53. What did one penny say to another penny?
    We make cents.
  54. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
    Something between us smells!
  55. Why did the clock go to the principal’s office?
    For tocking too much.
  56. Why do Norwegian ships come with barcodes?
    So when they return to port they can Scandanavian.
  57. What do you call a dishonest reptile?
    A crookodile.
  58. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
    A gummy bear.
  59. What do you call a quiet laugh in Maui?
  60. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
    He wanted cold hard cash!
  61. How do we know the ocean is so friendly?
    It waves. 
  62. Why did the man run around his bed?
    He was trying to catch up on sleep!
  63. Why do dragons sleep during the day?
    So they can fight knights!
  64. Why can’t Cinderella play soccer?
    Because she’s always running away from the ball.
  65. What did the zero say to the eight?
    Nice belt!
  66. Why is the grass so dangerous?
    It’s full of blades.
  67. Why is it so windy inside a sports arena?
    All those fans.
  68. Why did the student eat his homework?
    Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
  69. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
    Finding half a worm.
  70. What’s Harry Potter’s favorite way to get down a hill?
    Walking….JK, Rowling.