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97 Dumb Jokes Kids Love Anyway

Your kids haven't heard these before — even if you definitely have!

Julia Barnes for Fatherly

Jokes! Kids love ’em — especially dumb ones. And luckily for parents who like to show off their dad jokes, kids don’t mind a joke that’s silly or stupid. Despite those angsty years, some youngsters are more interested in laughing than criticizing, even if a joke isn’t exactly clever. The bad news for parents is there are only a few years of what we’ll call the pre-tween era, in which your kids will enjoy these dumb jokes for kids. So we recommend telling as many as possible. 

We’re talking puns, corny jokesknock-knock jokes, and other bad jokes that would make any sane adult groan. It’s important to savor these fleeting moments when these terrible funnies are still met with laughs. This collection of stupid dad jokes and silly riddles for kids will get you started, and when the stakes are this low, the options are limitless. So study up, and keep these jokes in your back pocket. 

ORDER YOUR COPY OF FATHERHOOD! The most important and most fun parenting book you’ll ever read is OUT NOW. In 17 joyous, expert-lead chapters, Fatherly rough-houses with a UFC fighter’s kids, unearths cultural practices where men feign pregnancy, and breaks down the six essential conversations all parents should have (and have and have again). In between, there are 20+ experts, illustrated guides, and loads of damn good advice.

  1. What did the policeman say to his belly button?
    “You’re under a vest.”
  2. What’s brown and sticky?
    A stick.
  3. How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
    You listen for coughin’ in his coffin.
  4. What animal has more lives than a cat?
    Frogs because they croak every day!
  5. What’s the difference between a well-dressed person on a unicycle and a poorly dressed person on a bike?
    Attire.
  6. When does a joke turn into a dad joke?
    When it becomes apparent.
  7. Can one bird make a pun?
    No, but toucan.
  8. When is a door not a door?
    When it’s ajar.
  9. Why wasn’t the letter delivered?
    It was stationary.
  10. Why did the traffic light turn red?
    It had to change in the middle of the street.
  11. How can you tell when a bike is thinking?
    Their wheels are turning.
  12. What events do spiders love to attend?
    Webbings.
  13. Why are teddy bears never hungry?
    They are always stuffed.
  14. What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
    PRIME-mates.
  15. What do kids wear when they can’t play with a phone?
    Bored games.
  16. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
    Sneakers.
  17. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
    Because he felt crummy.
  18. How do mountains stay warm in winter?
    Snowcaps.
  19. Why do artists constantly feel cold?
    Because they’re surrounded by drafts.
  20. What do you call an old snowman?
    Water!
  21. Why are ghosts such bad liars?
    Because you can see right through them.
  22. What has ears but can’t hear?
    A cornfield.
  23. How do you catch a whole school of fish?
    With bookworms.
  24. What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
    Spelling!
  25. Why didn’t the zombie go to school?
    He felt rotten.
  26. What did one plate say to the other plate?
    “Dinner’s on me.”
  27. Why did the pony get sent to his room?
    He wouldn’t stop horsing around.
  28. What do you call a cow that eats your grass?
    A lawn moo-er.
  29. Why do fish live in saltwater?
    Because pepper makes them sneeze!
  30. What did the fisherman say to the magician?
    “Pick a cod, any cod.”  
  31. What does a nosey pepper do?
    Gets jalapeño business!
  32. Why did the banana go to the hospital?
    He was peeling really bad.
  33. Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?
    He was looking for his buddy Pluto.
  34. What are the two things you can’t have for breakfast?
    Lunch and dinner.
  35. Where do you learn to make banana splits?
    At sundae school.
  36. What did the limestone say to the geologist?
    “Don’t take me for granite!”
  37. What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?
    A stega-snore-us.
  38. Why do seagulls live by the sea?
    Because if they lived by the bay, they’d be bagels!
  39. What bone will a dog never eat?
    A trombone.
  40. How does a scientist freshen her breath?
    With experi-mints!
  41. Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory?
    Lack of concentration.
  42. What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?
    Twister!
  43. What did the dalmatian say after lunch?
    “That hit the spot!”
  44. Why can’t a leopard hide?
    Because he’s always spotted!
  45. Why should you not let a bear operate the remote?
    He will keep pressing the paws button.
  46. What is a robot’s favorite snack?
    Computer chips.
  47. What’s the biggest moth in the world?
    A mammoth.
  48. What do you get if you cross a frog with a rabbit?
    A bunny ribbit.
  49. What type of markets do dogs avoid?
    Flea markets!
  50. What do music and chickens have in common?
    Bach, Bach, Bach!
  51. Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
    They have two left feet.
  52. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
    A do-you-think-he-saw-us.
  53. What did one penny say to another penny?
    “We make cents.”
  54. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
    “Something between us smells!”
  55. Why did the clock go to the principal’s office?
    For tocking too much.
  56. Why do Norwegian ships come with barcodes?
    So when they return to port they can Scandanavian.
  57. What do you call a dishonest reptile?
    A crookodile.
  58. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
    A gummy bear.
  59. What do you call a quiet laugh in Maui?
    Aloha.
  60. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
    He wanted cold hard cash!
  61. How do we know the ocean is so friendly?
    It waves.
  62. Why did the man run around his bed?
    He was trying to catch up on sleep!
  63. Why do dragons sleep during the day?
    So they can fight knights!
  64. Why can’t Cinderella play soccer?
    Because she’s always running away from the ball.
  65. What did the zero say to the eight?
    “Nice belt!”
  66. Why is the grass so dangerous?
    It’s full of blades.
  67. Why is it so windy inside a sports arena?
    All those fans.
  68. Why did the student eat his homework?
    Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
  69. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
    Finding half a worm.
  70. What’s Harry Potter’s favorite way to get down a hill?
    Walking…JK, Rowling.
  71. What’s the name of that frog cowboy?
    Hopalong Cassidy.
  72. Why do bees have sticky hair?
    Their honeycombs.
  73. Did you hear about the tree that worked as a photographer?
    He was talented at photo-synthesis.
  74. What state has the most streets?
    Rhode Island.
  75. Why do underwear tell bad jokes?
    They’re too brief.
  76. Why did the dog want to become a doctor?
    Because cats can.
  77. How does a boat full of puppies move?
    Doggy-paddles.
  78. How does a penguin build its house?
    Igloos it.
  79. What do you call a bear without teeth?
    A gummy bear.
  80. What did one goldfish say to the other while in their tank?
    “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
  81. What has more letters than the alphabet?
    The post office.
  82. What do you call a broke Santa Claus?
    Saint Nickel-less.
  83. Where do you take a boat with a cold?
    The boat doc.
  84. Why can’t eggs tell jokes?
    Because they’d crack each other up.
  85. Why can’t you trust stairs?
    Because they’re always up to something.
  86. Why was the bicycle lying down?
    It was two-tired.
  87. What did one hat say to the other?
    “I’m going on a-head.”
  88. Why did the foreman fire the worker at the banana factory?
    He kept throwing away all the bent ones.
  89. Can you put my shoes on?
    No, I don’t think they’d fit.
  90. What do you call my cheese?
    Nacho cheese.
  91. Why did the picture get arrested?
    It got framed.
  92. Name something red that is bad for your teeth.
    A brick.
  93. What is the name of the penguin’s favorite aunt?
    Aunt Arctica.
  94. Which dog likes taking bubble baths?
    A shampoodle.
  95. What is a plumber’s least favorite vegetable?
    Leeks.
  96. Why do pregnant horses run faster than other horses?
    Because they have two horsepower.
  97. What is the name of a witch that lies on the beach?
    A sand witch.