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The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell to Your Kids

Potty humor is forever and it's good for us.

Julia Barnes for Fatherly

Truth be told, some of the best jokes are dirty jokes. But can you tell dirty jokes to kids? That depends on your definition of a dirty joke. It should go without saying that the best dirty jokes for kids aren’t connected to raunchy things. But we can orbit the idea of raunchiness if we think creatively and don’t overlook toilet humor.

The human taste for crude humor starts very early, which is true of good jokes for kids too. Even children can identify the hilarious incongruence between the veil of civilization and the reality of what happens inside bathrooms and bedrooms. Potty humor is timeless and universal. Hearing and telling dirty jokes is good for us, and the best jokes let us laugh at and talk about what might otherwise stay hidden. A good toilet joke points to life’s juxtapositions and says, “Yes. This is absurd. It’s OK to feel that way, and it’s best to just laugh at it.” 

As long as you draw clear lines for your children about when it is inappropriate to tell dirty jokes, somewhat dirty ones are fine for kids. Where to draw the line on dirty dad jokes depends on how many awkward conversations you’re willing to have should your kid fire off a poop joke in Sunday school or during a test. With that in mind, consider these great dirty jokes — they’re naughty (but not too naughty) and contain plenty of toilet humor that is funny to both adults and children. Use them at your own discretion.

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Fart Jokes for Kids

  1. I farted at work the other day…
    And my coworker tried opening the window. It must have been a really bad one — we work on a submarine.
  2. What did the poo say to the fart?
    “You blow me away.”
  3. I was at a sophisticated dinner party the other day…
    When I farted loudly. One of the guests was appalled and said indignantly, “How dare you fart in front of my wife!”
    I said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was her turn.”
  4. An old married couple are in church one Sunday…
    When the woman turns to her husband and says, “I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?”
  5. Who are the most dangerous farters in the world?
    Ninjas. They’re silent but deadly.
  6. Did you fart?
    No, that was my butt blowing you a kiss.
  7. What’s invisible and smells like worms?
    A bird’s fart.
  8. What do you get when a duchess farts?
    A noble gas.
  9. Did you hear about the blind skunk?
    He fell in love with a fart.
  10. Why did the fart miss graduation?
    It got expelled.
  11. What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?
    A private tutor.

Poop Jokes for Kids

  1. Why did the baker have smelly hands?
    Because he kneaded a poo!
  2. What’s brown and sticky?
    A stick.
  3. Why did the cop sit on the toilet?
    To do his duty.
  4. Why didn’t the toilet paper make it across the street?
    It got stuck in a crack.
  5. What did one butt cheek say to the other?
    “Together, we can stop this crap.”
  6. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
    To get to the bottom.
  7. Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
    To look for Pooh!
  8. What did one toilet say to the other?
    “You look flushed!”
  9. How do you help a constipated person?
    You scare the poop out of them.
  10. What did one fly say to the other?
    “Is this stool taken?”
  11. What’s big, brown, and behind the wall?
    Humpty’s Dump.
  12. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    I eat mop.
    I eat mop who?
    You eat your poo?! Gross!
  13. Did you hear about the film Constipated?
    It never came out.
  14. What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
    Salad Shooter.

Pee Jokes for Kids

  1. What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?
    It got peed-off.
  2. If you’re American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
    European.
  3. Why was the sand wet?
    Because the sea weed!
  4. What do you call a country where everyone is pissed?
    A urination.
  5. Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
    Because the “p” is silent.
  6. This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off.
    After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off.
    I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I’m afraid to pee.
  7. What did Sherif Pee say to the bank robber?
    “Urine trouble.”

Booger Jokes for Kids

  1. What comes out of your nose at 150 mph?
    Lambogreeny.
  2. How do you stop your nose from running?
    Take away its shoes.
  3. What did the booger say to the underside of the desk?
    “I’m stuck on you.”
  4. What did the booger write in its Valentine’s Day card?
    “I’d pick you first.”
  5. What do you call a booger on a diet?
    Slim Pickins’.
  6. What’s a snot rocket’s favorite restaurant?
    Booger King.
  7. Why did the booger cross the road?
    Because he was being picked on.
  8. What’s another name for a snail?
    A booger wearing a crash helmet.
  9. What did the booger say to the finger?
    “Pick on someone your own size.”
  10. What’s the difference between a prince and a booger?
    A prince is an heir to the throne. A booger is thrown into the air.
  11. People keep asking me if I helped elect the booger.
    I keep telling them he wasn’t my pick.

Weiner Jokes for Kids

  1. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
    How do you breathe through that thing?”
  2. A pirate walks into the doctor’s office:
    Pirate: “Doc, you got to help me. Me ship’s steering wheel is stuck to me crotch.”
    Doctor: “So, what’s the problem?”
    Pirate: “Doc… it’s driving me nuts!”
  3. How does a wiener thank its parents?
    “Franks a lot!”
  4. How does a wiener go camping?
    In a Wiener-bago.
  5. Why was the banana sad after its race?
    It lost to the eventual wiener.