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The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell to Your Kids

Potty humor is forever and it's good for us.

As early as two-years-old, kids will start to laugh at farts. At three, the word “butt” becomes a brilliant stand-alone punch line. In other words, the human taste for crude humor starts very early. And good luck trying to keep your kids away from these kinds of jokes. Potty humor ingrained is in all us. Even children can identify the hilarious incongruence between the veil of civilization and the reality of what happens inside of bathrooms and bedrooms. Hearing and telling dirty jokes is good for us and probably good for your kids on some level.

A good bathroom joke points to life’s juxtapositions and says, “Yes. This is absurd. It’s okay to feel that way and it’s best just to laugh at it.” So as long as you draw clear lines for your children about when it is and is not appropriate to tell dirty jokes, it’s great to arm them with a few good ones. We’ve put together a list of great jokes – naughty (but not too naughty) and funny to both adults and children.

(Use at your own discretion!)

1. A pirate walks into the doctor’s office:

Pirate: Doc you got to help, me ship’s steering wheel got stuck to me crotch.

Doctor: So, what’s the problem?

Pirate: Doc…it’s driving me nuts!

2. An old married couple are in church one Sunday...when the woman turns to her husband and says, “I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?”

The husband turned to her and said, “Replace the battery in your hearing aid.”

3. If you’re American in the living room what are you in the bathroom?

European

4. Why did the cop sit on the toilet?

To do his duty.

5. A wife sent her husband a romantic text message... She wrote: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you”. Her husband texted back: ” I’m on the toilet, please advise.”

6. What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?

It got peed-off.

7. Why did the baker have smelly hands?`

Because he kneaded a poo!

8. There was an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Bear

The Englishman said I like English ladies best.

The Irishman said I like Irish ladies best.

and the bear said I like bear ladies best.

9. Why did the ketchup blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing.

10. What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

11. What comes out of your nose at 150 mph?

Lambogreeny

12. I farted at work the other day.. and my coworker started trying to open the window. It must have been a really bad one – we work on a submarine

13. I was at a sophisticated dinner party the other day… when I farted loudly. One of the guests was appalled and said indignantly, “How dare you fart in front of my wife!” I said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was her turn.”

14. What did the elephant say to the naked man?

How do you breathe through that thing?”

15. This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off…After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I’m afraid to pee.

16. Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in the crack.

17. Two fish swim into a wall. One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”