Truth be told, some of the best jokes are dirty jokes. But can you tell dirty jokes to kids? That depends somewhat on your definition of a dirty joke. It should go without saying that the best dirty jokes for kids aren’t connected to things that are actually raunchy. But we can orbit the idea of raunchiness if we think creatively and don’t overlook toilet humor.
The human taste for crude humor starts very early, and that’s true of good jokes for kids too. Even children can identify the hilarious incongruence between the veil of civilization and the reality of what happens inside of bathrooms and bedrooms. Potty humor is timeless and universal. Hearing and telling dirty jokes is good for us, and the best jokes let us laugh at and talk about what might otherwise stay hidden. A good toilet joke points to life’s juxtapositions and says, “Yes. This is absurd. It’s okay to feel that way and it’s best just to laugh at it.”
As long as you draw clear lines for your children about when it is and is not appropriate to tell dirty jokes, somewhat clean dirty jokes are fine for kids too. Where you draw the line on dirty dad jokes will depend on how many awkward conversations you’re willing to have should your kid fire off a poop joke at an inappropriate time. With that in mind, consider these great dirty jokes — they’re naughty (but not too naughty) contain plenty of toilet humor, and are funny to both adults and children. Use them at your own discretion.
Fart Jokes for Kids
- I farted at work the other day… and my coworker started trying to open the window. It must have been a really bad one — we work on a submarine.
- What did the poo say to the fart?
You blow me away.
- I was at a sophisticated dinner party the other day… when I farted loudly. One of the guests was appalled and said indignantly, “How dare you fart in front of my wife!” I said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was her turn next.”
- An old married couple are in church one Sunday… when the woman turns to her husband and says, “I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?”
- Who are the most dangerous farters in the world?
Ninjas. They’re silent but deadly.
- Did you fart?
No, that was my butt blowing you a kiss.
- What’s invisible and smells like worms?
A bird’s fart.
- What do you get when a rich person farts?
A noble gas.
- Did you hear about the blind skunk?
He fell in love with a fart.
- Why did the fart miss graduation?
It got expelled.
- What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?
A private tutor.
Poop Jokes for Kids
- Why did the baker have smelly hands?
Because he kneaded a poo!
- What’s brown and sticky?
- Why did the cop sit on the toilet?
To do his duty.
- Why didn’t the toilet paper make it past the road?
It got stuck in a crack.
- What did one butt cheek say to the other?
Together we can stop this crap.
- Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom.
- Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
To look for Pooh!
- What did one toilet say to the other?
You look flushed!
- How do you help a constipated person?
You scare the poop out of them.
- What did one fly say to the other?
Is this stool taken?
- What’s big and brown and behind the wall?
- Knock, knock.
I eat mop.
I eat mop who?
You eat your poo?! Gross!
- Did you hear about the film “Constipated”?
It never came out.
- What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
Pee Jokes for Kids
- What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?
It got peed-off.
- If you’re American in the living room what are you in the bathroom?
- Why was the sand wet?
Because the sea weed!
- What do you call a country where everyone is pissed?
- Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the “p” is silent.
- This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off… After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I’m afraid to pee.
- What did Sherif Pee say to the bank robber?
Booger Jokes for Kids
- What comes out of your nose at 150 mph?
- How do you stop your nose from running?
Take away its shoes.
- What did the booger say to the underside of the desk?
“I’m stuck on you.”
- What did the booger write in its Valentine’s Day card?
“I’d pick you first.”
- What do you call a booger on a diet?
- What’s a snot rocket’s favorite restaurant?
Weiner Jokes for Kids
- What did the elephant say to the naked man?
“How do you breathe through that thing?”
- A pirate walks into the doctor’s office:
Pirate: Doc, you got to help, me ship’s steering wheel got stuck to me crotch.
Doctor: So, what’s the problem?
Pirate: Doc… it’s driving me nuts!
- How does a wiener thank its parents?
“Franks a lot!”
- How does a wiener go camping?
In a Wiener-bago.
- Why was the banana sad after its race?
It lost to the eventual wiener.