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The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell to Your Kids

Potty humor is forever and it's good for us.

Julia Barnes for Fatherly

Truth be told, some of the best jokes are dirty jokes. But can you tell dirty jokes to kids? That depends somewhat on your definition of a dirty joke. It should go without saying that the best dirty jokes for kids aren’t connected to things that are actually raunchy. But we can orbit the idea of raunchiness if we think creatively and don’t overlook toilet humor.

The human taste for crude humor starts very early, and that’s true of good jokes for kids too. Even children can identify the hilarious incongruence between the veil of civilization and the reality of what happens inside of bathrooms and bedrooms. Potty humor is timeless and universal. Hearing and telling dirty jokes is good for us, and the best jokes let us laugh at and talk about what might otherwise stay hidden. A good toilet joke points to life’s juxtapositions and says, “Yes. This is absurd. It’s okay to feel that way and it’s best just to laugh at it.”

As long as you draw clear lines for your children about when it is and is not appropriate to tell dirty jokes, somewhat clean dirty jokes are fine for kids too. Where you draw the line on dirty dad jokes will depend on how many awkward conversations you’re willing to have should your kid fire off a poop joke at an inappropriate time. With that in mind, consider these great dirty jokes — they’re naughty (but not too naughty) contain plenty of toilet humor, and are funny to both adults and children. Use them at your own discretion.

Funny Dirty Jokes for Kids

  1. I farted at work the other day… and my coworker started trying to open the window. It must have been a really bad one — we work on a submarine.
  2. Why did the ketchup blush?
    Because he saw the salad dressing.
  3. What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?
    It got peed-off.
  4. If you’re American in the living room what are you in the bathroom?
  5. What comes out of your nose at 150 mph?
  6. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
    How do you breathe through that thing?”
  7. Why did the baker have smelly hands?
    Because he kneaded a poo!
  8. What’s brown and sticky?
    A stick.
  9. Why did the cop sit on the toilet?
    To do his duty.
  10. Why didn’t the toilet paper make it past the road?
    It got stuck in a crack.
  11. What did one butt cheek say to the other?
    Together we can stop this crap.
  12. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
    To get to the bottom.
  13. Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
    To look for Pooh!
  14. What did one toilet say to the other?
    You look flushed!
  15. How do you help a constipated person?
    You scare the shit out of them.
  16. Why was the sand wet?
    Because the sea weed!
  17. What did one fly say to the other?
    Is this stool taken?
  18. What’s big and brown and behind the wall?
    Humpty’s Dump.
  19. What did the poo say to the fart?
    You blow me away.
  20. What do you call a country where everyone is pissed?
    A urination.
  21. Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
    Because the “p” is silent.
  22. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    I eat mop.
    I eat mop who?
    You eat your poo?! Gross!
  23. This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off… After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I’m afraid to pee.
  24. A pirate walks into the doctor’s office:
    Pirate: Doc, you got to help, me ship’s steering wheel got stuck to me crotch.
    Doctor: So, what’s the problem?
    Pirate: Doc… it’s driving me nuts!
  25. I was at a sophisticated dinner party the other day… when I farted loudly. One of the guests was appalled and said indignantly, “How dare you fart in front of my wife!” I said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was her turn next.”
  26. Two fish swim into a wall… One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”
  27. An old married couple are in church one Sunday… when the woman turns to her husband and says, “I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?”
    The husband turned to her and says, “Replace the battery in your hearing aid.”
  28. A wife sent her husband a romantic text message… She wrote: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.” Her husband texted back: “I’m on the toilet, please advise.”
  29. There was an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Bear:
    The Englishman said, “I like English ladies best.”
    The Irishman said, “I like Irish ladies best.”
    And the bear said, “I like bear ladies best.”