Children love animals and jokes more than they love most things. From puppies in the park to the bunny rabbits that dominate the most beloved storybooks, many of the first words children learn are the names of animals — from the cat in the house to the giraffe far, far away. So it’s only natural that animal jokes, especially if they’re extremely silly and very corny jokes, get big laughs from kids. Like all great dumb jokes for kids, the best animal-inspired dad joke involves a bit of wordplay, from goofy nonsense to sophisticated puns (Fun fact: There’s actual science behind puns!). How many times can you use “quack” to make a joke about a duck? A lot.
Here are the funniest animal jokes and puns for kids, including cow jokes, horse jokes, dog jokes, cat jokes, fish jokes, and more.
- What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary? / Take the words out of his mouth!
- How do you say bye-bye to a curly-haired dog? / Poodle-oo.
- What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper? / “Ruff!”
- Why did the poor dog chase his own tail? / He was trying to make both ends meet.
- What happens when it rains cats and dogs? / I don’t know, but you can step in a poodle.
- Why are dogs like phones? / Because they have collar IDs.
- What dog keeps the best time? / A watch dog.
- Why don’t dogs make good dancers? / Because they have two left feet.
- What did the horse say when it fell? / “I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
- What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? / “Why the long face? / “
- What do you call a horse that lives next door? / A neigh-bor.
- How do horses stay in such great shape? / They keep a stable diet.
- What does the horse say when the bartender greets him by saying “hey”? / “You read my mind!”
- What kind of computers do horses use? / Macintosh.
- What kind of jungle cat is no fun to play games with? / A cheetah.
- Why are cats so good at video games? / Because they have nine lives.
- What’s a cat’s favorite dessert? / Chocolate mouse.
- What do you call a cat wearing shoes? / Puss in boots.
- Why can’t a leopard hide? / Because he’s always spotted.
- Why do cats always get their way? / They make a purr-suasive case.
- What do you call a cat that’s in trouble with the police? / A purr-petrator.
- What kind of sports cars do cats drive? / Fur-arris.
- Why was the cow afraid? / He was a cow-herd.
- Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? / Because they lactose.
- What do you call a cow that just had a baby? / Decalfinated.
- What do you call a cow with no legs? / Ground beef.
- Where do milkshakes come from? / Nervous cows.
- What do you call a sleeping cow? / A bull-dozer.
- What do you get if you cross a chicken and a cow? / A roost beef.
- What do you call a cow spying on another cow? / A steak out.
- What goes “ooo ooo oo”? / A cow with no lips.
- What did Mama cow say to Baby cow? / “It’s pasture bedtime.”
- Why do fish live in saltwater? / Because pepper makes them sneeze.
- What do you call a thieving alligator? / A crook-o-dile.
- What do fish do at football games? / They wave.
- Where do fish sleep? / On a water bed.
- Why did the fish blush? / It saw the ocean’s bottom.
- What does a fish do in a crisis? / Sea-kelp.
- OK, that’s enough fish puns.It’s time to scale back.
Other Animal Jokes
- Why do pandas like old movies? / Because they play in black-and-white.
- Where do mice park their boats? / At the hickory dickory dock.
- What do you call an alligator with a spyglass? / An investigator.
- Where did the sheep go on vacation? / The Baaaahamas.
- What’s black and white and blue? / A depressed zebra.
- What did the judge say when the skunk came into his courtroom? / “Odor in the court!”
- What day do chickens fear the most? / Fry-days.
- How do you stop an elephant from charging? / Take away their credit cards.
- Who stole the soap out of the bathtub? / The robber ducky.
- What do you get if you cross fireworks with a duck? / Firequackers!
- What has fangs and webbed feet? / Count Duckula.
- What was the goal of the detective duck? / To quack the case, of course.
- What happens when a frog’s car breaks down? / It gets toad.
- Why did the elephant stay in the airport? / They were waiting for their trunk.
- What time does a duck wake up? / At the quack of dawn!
- What did the duck say when buying lipstick? / “Put it on my bill.”
- Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? / Of course. Buildings can’t jump.
- Did you hear about the racing snail who got rid of his shell? / He thought it would make him faster, but it just made him sluggish.
- What did one flea say to the other flea when they came out of the movies? / “Should we walk home or take a dog? / “
- A pony went to see the doctor because it couldn’t speak. / “I know what’s wrong,” said the doctor. “You’re a little horse.”
- Why do cows like being told jokes? / Because they like being a-moosed!
- Bob lost his dog today, so he put an ad in the paper. / Then his wife said, “What good would that do? Our dog can’t read.”
- What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? / Ouch.
- There were 10 cats in a boat, and one jumped out. How many are left? / None, because they were copycats.
- Why did the snake cross the road? / To get to the other ssssssside!
- Why are fish so smart? / Because they live in schools.
- How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? / Pleased to eat you.
- What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? / An eggroll!
- What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? / A pie-thon!
- What did the buffalo say to his son when he went away on a trip? / Bison!
- What fish only swims at night? / A starfish!
- Where do polar bears vote? / The North Poll.
- What do you call a cow that won’t give milk? / A milk dud.
What do you get from a pampered cow? / Spoiled milk.
Editor’s note: All of these corny kids jokes are in the public domain. However, we spotted a few of these on Funology.com and in The Little Golden Book of Jokes and Riddles, which honestly, we can’t recommend strongly enough.