I like WandaVision. I think it’s a little bit too slow and there’s perhaps less going on than we’ve been lead to believe. But I don’t mind. The actors are amazing, and the show is mainstream basic-version of weird. Imagine it’s the ’90s and the Disney Channel airing a David Lynch-style TV show, featuring superheroes from Marvel Comics. You can’t imagine it. We’re very lucky to live in the time we do that such bizarre pieces of pop culture commerce can even exist, even if it’s a tad underwhelming at times. I’m not sure WandaVision represents progress, but it is different. But, that doesn’t mean I want my 4-year-old accidentally watching an episode.
This goes without saying. Little kids can’t watch WandaVision. Partially because if you’re a little kid the show is boring as fuck. I imagine even for some Marvel die-hards who watch the scene where Cap gets Thor’s hammer in slow-motion, WandaVision is a little slow. But that’s not my point here. My point is, that with the recent revelations about Anges/Agatha Harkness, the show is straight-up terrifying. This isn’t some Hocus Pocus shit, this is dark as hell. Is Agatha gonna get burned at the stake by her own mom? Is she going to strangle Wanda’s kids to death? It’s all right there on the front page of Disney+.
I’d never thought to create a kids profile for my 4-year-old on any of our streaming things, because, usually, I have the remote, so I’m not worried. But today, as we were firing-up some Doc McStuffins on Disney+, my kid briefly had the Roku remote and was about to navigate to the nightmare land of the newest episode of WandaVision. This is not Disney’s fault. I should have created a kids-only profile on Disney+ along time ago. But then again, because Disney+ is freaking DISNEY, a part of me figured I never needed to actually do that. But you do. Do it now.
I knew Disney+ had the Star Wars movies – movies in which people get their limbs cut off all the time, and are often tortured by both their parents and more recently, their grandparents. Star Wars is great, but again, I don’t want my 4-year-old watching Revenge of the Sith. This morning, the near-miss with WandaVision was a wake-up call.
So that’s it, just one quick PSA from one lazy parent to another. Make a kids’ profile on Disney+! Even if your kid is really small! Use it! That way we won’t have to worry about Agatha Harkness haunting our toddlers’ nightmares. That hospital where Doc McStuffins works is scary enough.