As a dad, there’s nothing better than hearing other people articulate some truth from the wild world of parenting. It helps remind us that fatherhood is a shared pursuit and, well, that crazy stuff happens to every parent. There’s no better display of this than on Twitter, where parents regularly share the funny, silly, frustrating, and truthful events that happen in their lives. To that end, here are ten of the best dad tweets from this week.
Smoke Em If You Got Em
Caught my toddler stealing cookies out of the grocery bag while we were driving home so I made him smoke the whole pack.
— Soren Bowie (@Soren_Ltd) March 12, 2018
For someone I've had to physically restrain from eating dog shit, my son is awfully particular about which grapes he's going to eat.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) March 14, 2018
My 3-year-old accidentally called Hamburger Helper "Hangover Helper."
She's ready for college.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 13, 2018
Where Did The Time Go?
Parents, look at this way. We may have lost an hour of sleep, but at least our kids get an extra hour of daylight… so they can argue about going to bed at their normal time because it's still light out outside.
— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) March 11, 2018
Store clerk: May I help you?
Me: I hope so. Sweetie go get your math homework, this nice woman is going to help us.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 13, 2018
Me, to 7-yr-old: “You’re too old to complain about what color bowl your cereal is in, so knock it off.”
Thirty seconds later: “Honey! Have you seen my favorite coffee mug?!”
— Dad Bits (@DadBits) March 13, 2018
X(box) Marks The Spot
WIFE: it's your turn to change the baby. he left you a little present haha
ME: *opens diaper* how the hell did he get an x box in there??
— The Hypothetical (@TheHyyyype) March 13, 2018
Back In My Day
After listening to my son and his friends go in on me and my dad shoes for the past 15 minutes I've come to the conclusion that I'm in no way cut out for elementary school these days.
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) March 12, 2018
A Matter Of Perspective
I'm going on paternity leave in a couple of days. Here's what people say to me.
People without kids:
Oh you're so lucky being off work for weeks!
People with a kid:
You'll be glad to come back!
People with more than one kid:
Good luck. It was nice knowing you.#parenting
— Jack's Dad (@DaddingAround) March 12, 2018
ME: too bad you won’t get to experience the joy of going into toys r us like i did
TODDLER: *removes wireless ear bud and looks up from ipad* i’m good
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) March 15, 2018