As a dad, there’s nothing better than hearing other people articulate some truth from the wild world of parenting. It helps remind us that fatherhood is a shared pursuit and, well, that crazy stuff happens to every parent. There’s no better display of this than on Twitter, where parents regularly share the funny, silly, frustrating, and truthful events that happen in their lives. To that end, here are ten of the best dad tweets from this week.
More Like Scare-osmith
I told my kids that if they're not good, de-aged Steven Tyler will come live under the bed.
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) February 5, 2018
My 3-year-old yelled, "I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING," from on the toilet.
Nobody was asking her to do anything.
She just thought we should know.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 5, 2018
Not Loving It
You're not truly a parent until you've crawled through the McDonalds urine tubes to pull out a crying child.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) February 8, 2018
Gotta Catch Em All
I’m staying home to take my sick kid to the doctor, where we can sit in the waiting room and make sure to catch every disease we don’t already have.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) February 5, 2018
Burn Baby Burn
My daughter just beat me at Chutes and Ladders and asked if she could burn down the kitchen to celebrate.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 5, 2018
Fake It Til You Make It
Parenting has taught me I can have an entire conversation with someone without having any idea what the other person is taking about
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) February 6, 2018
Stud, Sweat, and Tears
*nominates “Stud Finder” for Dad Joke Hall of Fame*
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) February 4, 2018
Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is
Me: want to talk?
6: sure. But I've been thinking about important things.
Me: that's okay, that's what I'm here for.
6: why don't we use chocolate for money instead of coins and bills? It just doesn't make sense.
— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) February 6, 2018
My kid's new thing is to have me lay down, cover me in pillows, turn off the light and leave the room. I call this game "my favorite."
— dadpression (@Dadpression) February 6, 2018
Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
Teacher: we need to talk about your son's attendance
Me: attendance? he hasn't missed a class all year
T: that's the problem. Can you give us a fucking break? Like just a day or something
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) January 4, 2018