As a dad, there’s nothing better than hearing from other people who can empathize about or articulate some truth from the wild world of parenting. It helps you understand that fatherhood is a shared pursuit and, well, that crazy stuff happens to every parent. There’s no better display of this than on Twitter, where parents regularly share the funny, silly, frustrating, and truthful events that happen in their lives. To that end, here are ten of the best dad tweets from this week.
Crying Over Spilled Coffee
Enjoying coffee as a parent:
1: buy coffee
2: attempt to push buggy with one hand, spilling scalding coffee on your hand
3: spill more coffee
4: when your hand is sufficiently scalded, chug still-scalding coffee as fast as you can
5: throw remaining 5/8ths of coffee in bin
— Gerry McBride (@GerryMcBride) January 9, 2018
Go to kids’ karate classes and keep screaming “FINISH HIM!”
— Jake Vig (@Jake_Vig) January 8, 2018
Me on my last day working as a waiter: "I'm just glad I won't have to spend the rest of my life touching things that have been in other people's mouths."
Me on my first day being a father: "Oh…"
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) January 9, 2018
If You Please
Saying please to a toddler is like being polite to a tornado.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) January 7, 2018
Surely You Joust
[family game night]
Wife: I don’t think this is suitable
Me [opening visor]: jousting is part of our heritage, Linda
— The Dad (@thedadonline) January 8, 2018
Plead the Fifth
My 3-year-old cut a huge chunk out of her hair.
Nobody knows when or how.
My wife grilled her about it, but she said nothing.
She knows her rights.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2018
ME: *tucks my kid into bed*
KID: You really don’t need to do this anymore.
KID’S SPOUSE: You don’t even live here.
— The Stranger Pale Space Rider (@truegritrumble) January 8, 2018
This one time, my toddler walked up to me, took a bite out of my sandwich, and then stared me down as he chewed.
I shouldn't be proud of thinking this but he would do GREAT in prison.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) January 8, 2018
Do As I Say…
I’m stoked that my kid is emulating me, but he just tried to rip open a small bag of nails with his teeth at the Home Depot kids workshop because “that’s how daddy opens his bags of mini muffins”. #badhabit
— Brian J (@Beej1984) January 7, 2018
Trick and Treat
5: I have a trick I want to try.
Me: go for it.
5: close your eyes and focus on your favourite childhood toy.
(15 seconds later)
Me: what do I do next?
5: the trick is over. I took a cookie.
— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) January 10, 2018