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Trump Says Immigrant Children Aren’t Innocent. He’s Right.

The president is right to be suspicious of the children seeking to enter the United States, because they have done some objectively terrible things.

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For the Trump administration, criminality appears to start at birth, if you happen to be a Mexican baby. Speaking with a small group of journalists at the Morrelly Homeland Security Center in New York this week, President Trump made remarks about the overwhelming dangers of allowing unaccompanied alien minors into the country.

“They look so innocent,” the president said. “They’re not innocent.”

He’s right. Those Mexican children are not innocent. In fact, not only are they criminal masterminds willing to openly exploit immigration loopholes and wreak havoc in Chuck E. Cheeses across America, they are ruiners of good times, enemies of sleep and, as a group, fairly annoying.

Here is just a sampling of the terrible things these immigrant children have done:

  • Had a meltdown for no reason during the football game making it impossible to concentrate on the skills of Javier Hernandez.
  • Got up in the middle of the night three times asking for agua, when, in fact, it was right there beside their bed the entire time.
  • Refused to put on pants before company came over.
  • Played with their food instead of eating it like a normal person.
  • Fought with their brother over the Spiderman action figure.
  • Cried when dad refused to give them candy.
  • Pooped their pants at an inconvenient time.
  • Spit up on their father’s nicest shirt before he went to work.
  • Made that annoying clicking sound with their tongue during most of the convoy.

Clearly, these kids are like little ticking time bombs. They aren’t in any way like children anywhere else in the world. All other children are precious angel babies. Particularly the white ones.

It’s only right that we thank President Trump. He’s keeping these awful, dangerous children from our shores, so we can enjoy or own totally innocent children, who will never ever grow up to be bad people, in peace.