The best sex is that which is fluid, evolving, and, informed by good communication. Pretty much any kink can find its way into the bedroom if both partners agree, and these days, more and more people are turning to the term “Daddy.” Hell, Twitter is full of people remarking that Jude Law is “Daddy” or Dr. Fauci is “Daddy,” all day long. Many people like calling — or being called —“Daddy” during sex. But why do some guys like to be called “Daddy,” why do some girls like to call men daddy, and how did the daddy kink and slang term become so popular?
Now, it’s unclear just when “daddy” found its way into the sexual lexicon, but some suspect it’s been a fetish for a lot longer than one might assume.
“It’s definitely not a new thing,” says Dulcinea Pitagora, a sex therapist and co-founder of the AltSexNYC Conference. “I would say it’s been going on for multiple decades, as long as the word ‘Daddy’ has been used in language.”
Some say the use of Daddy during sex goes even further back than that. According to one report, slang use of the word “daddy” dates back to 1681, when prostitutes began adopting the term as a way to refer to their pimps. Pop culture has helped keep the kink alive since then. Television comedies have found ways to inject the daddy fetish into plot lines. Fashion designers have even found a way to incorporate “daddy” into new styles. Social media aids users in hurling the term towards celebrity crushes and expressions of kinks. Even Beyoncé’s Lemonade tossed a nod of recognition for all things “Daddy.”
Still, there is a big difference between passing use of the term daddy and more orchestrated attempts to fetishize it, whether asking to be called daddy during sex or calling a partner daddy. Most of the time, if one’s making an effort to bring it into the bedroom, they’re doing it in the interest of creating a very specific kink dynamic between the sheets.
“The word ‘Daddy’ typically denotes a dominant power role orientation,” says Pitagora about the meaning of the term. Because of its association with power and control, the term “Daddy” tends to pop up pretty often in the BDSM scene. Those who really get into it might just find themselves members of organized communities like “Daddy Dom little girl (DDLG), or, for those who want to take things a step further, Adult Baby Diaper Lover (ADBL).
It’s not just men perpetuating the Daddy dynamic, either. According to PornHub’s analytic team, women are actually 96 percent more likely to search for “Dad” and “Daddy” compared to men (Fun fact: searches for the term tend to spike around Father’s Day. Go figure).
The “Daddy” kink, of course, extends well beyond the heterosexual community. According to their 2018 Year In Review report, searches for the term “Daddy” experienced significant growth on the PornHub Gay page. While it didn’t reach “most searched” status, “Daddy” did make it into the top five. According to the statisticians, visitors viewing Pornhub Gay search for “Dad” and “Daddy” 277 percent more often than people viewing straight-oriented porn.
“In gay culture, daddy is typically used to refer to someone who identifies as dominant and masculine, and who is sometimes older than their partner(s), though not necessarily,” says Pitagora.
Though, Pitagora notes, the increased acceptance of queer identities has helped encourage the application of the term to other unconventional bodies.
“More recently, now that society is gaining heightened awareness around gender diversity, there are people who are female-bodied and present more feminine than masculine who identify ‘Daddy’ or ‘Femme Daddy,’” she explains. “Again, they typically identify as dominant, they may or may not be older, and their partner(s) can be adults of any gender.”
So how does one get to this point where guys are asking to be called daddy during sex? How does the “Daddy” kink take root?
Different folks will give you different answers. Some cling to the idea that most “Daddy” adorers are harboring some sort of “Daddy issues” and the daddy “kink” allows the individual to work through any unresolved feelings within the borders of a safe, sexual playground. Others assert that the sexual interest has nothing to do with underlying issues involving actual “Daddies” and that the fetish is just another form of sexual exploration. Of course, there may very well be some sort of middle ground to stand on here. But really, does it even matter? So long as things are practiced among happy and consenting adults, is there any need to overthink it?
Besides, the whole “Daddy” thing isn’t even the most hardcore kind of kink out there. Not by a long shot.
“This play is so common in modern relationships that it’s often not even thought of as play,” says Pitagora. “Female partners of males have been using the term “daddy” to refer to their (often older) male partners for as long as the word has existed, and males have been using “baby” to refer to their partners for as long as that word has existed,” she adds.
So, when it comes to the weird world of sexual quirks, “Daddy” still seems to lag behind other kinds of kinks, such as getting spanked, or worshipping feet. At least according to the experts. So if someone’s heart really does belong to Daddy, if the word really does get them all giddy inside, then they should go ahead and play it out. Who knows, they might just learn a little something about themselves in the process.