Children’s books teach kids wonderful lessons about life and feature fantastical characters going on incredible adventures. They also can be really fucking weird. Every once in a while, you might be reading your kid a classic book when suddenly an image or line pops up that makes do a double take. Sometimes it’s a random sex joke. Sometimes it’s a horrific picture. Other times it’s Curious George huffing ether. They may have flown over your head as a kid, but as an adult, they might stick with you forever. Here are 15 “what the hell?!” moments hidden in your favorite kid’s books.
15. Curious George Takes a Job
Everyone’s favorite mischievous primate got himself into all sorts of wacky adventures, but things took a strange turn when George stumbled upon a bottle of ether and ends up feeling groooooooooovy.
14. Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs
The tornado is technically made of tomato sauce, but at first glance, this looks like some apocalyptic shit that belongs in one of the Left Behind movies.
13. Moon Man
The weirdest thing about this photo is not that the Moon Man has been cut in half while he sits in a jail cell and a rat eats his food. It’s that he looks so happy about it. Be more upset about your circumstances, Moon Man!
12. The Rainbow Goblins
These goblins get to taste the rainbow … while they’re drowning. Move over Bambi’s mom, this is the type of thing that could traumatize a kid for life.
11. Look What I’ve Got
Hitler is alive and apparently, he spends his days chasing pesky kids out of parks.
10. Henry the Green Engine
We all know what’s in that special coal. All aboard the good vibes train.
9. Best Word Book Ever
In this anthropomorphic world, the pig is the local butcher and this cannibalistic monster sells sausage, ham, and bacon.
8. Love You Forever
This book tugs at the heartstrings of moms and sons everywhere, but there is one unsettling moment when mom sneaks into her adult son’s room and cradles him like a baby. Really throws off the tone.
7. In the Night Kitchen
In this controversial Maurice Sendak book, our protagonist Mickey encounters plenty of weird shit when he visits his kitchen at night. But nothing beats his time in the giant milk-based cryogenic chamber.
6. Dr. Seuss’ ABC – An Amazing Alphabet Book
R is for “Red Rhino.” And for “Really Weird Looking Boner.”
5. There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly
The book based on the classic kid’s song features a very strange moment where the old lady takes a bite out of a cow’s backside, causing it to squirt milk?
4. My Teddy Bear
This sweet book about a girl and her teddy bear manages to work in one of the weirdest (and only) voyeurism references in the history of kid’s books.
3. Rest Rabbit Rest
Rabbit’s friend tries to get him to sleep by spraying him with a questionably placed hose that sprays a mysterious white substance.
2. Elephant Elephant – A Book of Opposites: Golden Showers
This book uses elephants to teach kids about opposites. But it becomes less educational and more confusing when it tries to teach kids about how men and women pee? Why is that a lesson anyway?
1. I’m Still in the Bathtub
Aunt Bea trying to kiss her nephew bears an unfortunate resemblance to a certain human sphincter.