The Last Dance was the docuseries that spawned a thousand memes, including five words that will forever live in internet infamy: “And I took that personally.” The concise phrase perfectly encapsulated Michael Jordan’s otherworldly competitive nature and over the weekend, Saturday Night Live managed to give its own hilarious spin on the iconic catchphrase.
The sketch recreated one of the funniest moments of the series when Jordan was bested in a game of quarters by his security guard John Michael Wozniak, who then delivered Jordan’s patented shrug while the six-time champion stewed furiously in his defeat. But this time around, the game was heightened, as John’s small victory ended up costing him thousands of dollars.
After John (played to perfection by Heidi Gardner) wins five bucks, Jordan (played by host Keegan-Michael Key) admits that he “took that personally” and challenges his security guard to a rematch for $1,000. While that is pocket money for the biggest athlete on earth, John is clearly uncomfortable by the high stakes and when he loses, he is quietly devastated.
“That is financially rough for me,” John laments, as Jordan celebrates.
John is suddenly $9,000 in the hole when Charles Barkley (played, of course, by Keenan Thompson) pops up and asks to join. John tries to back out but Jordan won’t hear it and suddenly, he’s being asked to play for $5,000 per throw.
When John says he can’t afford that, Barkley and Jordan tell him to offer up his pants, his gun, and his glasses, all of which he predictably loses. Eventually, John even has to show the entire room his penis and let Jordan sleep with his wife for a night (which she obviously refuses to do).
The entire thing absolutely nails Jordan’s unmatched intensity, as it’s not entirely impossible to believe he would destroy someone’s life for beating him a friendly game of quarters.