Maybe you’re sailing life’s seas with a pirate-obsessed kid — or maybe you’re obsessed, like Captain Ahab, endlessly chasing dad jokes over the next horizon. Either way, you know the value of a great pirate joke for kids: it’s dad-joke gold. How the pirate — that humorless and sea-hardened marauder of the open seas — has become such a font of corny jokes in the modern age is a mystery (but it probably has a little something to do with the history of cartoons, kids’ TV shows, and Star Wars). Unlike the real pirates of old, you won’t have to walk the plank or dive into the gaping jaws of a leviathan to get the joke — we’ve done all that for you, risking life and limb on the high seas of the corny, the catchy, and the ridiculous to bring you the great white whale of dad humor: the pirate joke. This weathered old treasure map of pirate jokes will help you get to the hook faster and get your kids either laughing or arrrrghh-ing in exasperation.
The Funniest Pirate Jokes for Kids and Adults
- Why can’t pirates learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at “C”!
- What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer? A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.
- Why couldn’t the pirate crew play cards? Because the captain was standing on the deck!
- Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
- What does the pirate say when his leg gets stuck in the freezer? Shiver me timbers!
- How do pirates prefer to communicate? Aye to aye!
- Where can you find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs? Right where ye left him.
- How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheap? He bought it on sail.
- Why is pirating so addictive? They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked.
- How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook? An arm and a leg.
- What’s a pirate’s worst enemy? Termites
- What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
- What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet? I, I, R, and the seven C’s!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise? The plank!
- A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man with an eyepatch running around and waving his arms wildly. “Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?” “I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”