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15 Pirate Jokes for Treasure-Hungry Kids

Your kids with either laugh or arrrrrghh in exasperation.

  1. Why can’t pirates learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at “C”!
  2. What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer? A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.
  3. Why couldn’t the pirate crew play cards? Because the captain was standing on the deck!
  4. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
  5. What does the pirate say when his leg gets stuck in the freezer? Shiver me timbers!
  6. How do pirates prefer to communicate? Aye to aye!
  7. Where can you find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs? Right where ye left him.
  8. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheap? He bought it on sail.
  9. Why is pirating so addictive? They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked.
  10. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook? An arm and a leg.
  11. What’s a pirate’s worst enemy? Termites 
  12. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
  13. What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet? I, I, R, and the seven C’s!
  14. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise? The plank!
  15. A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man with an eyepatch running around and waving his arms wildly. “Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?” “I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”