Entertainment

25 Funny Pirate Jokes for Treasure-Hungry Kids

Your kids with either laugh or arrrrrghh in exasperation.

sepia photo edit of two kids dressed as pirates joking around against a red background

Maybe you’re sailing life’s seas with a pirate-obsessed kid — or maybe you’re obsessed, like Captain Ahab. Technically, Captain Ahab wasn’t a pirate and rarely told pirate jokes. But he did have a boat, and he was nuts. Anyway, if you’re endlessly chasing dad jokes over the next horizon, then you know the value of a funny and corny pirate joke for kids.

These are dad-joke gold. How the pirate — that humorless and sea-hardened marauder of the open seas — has become such a font of corny jokes in the modern age is a mystery (but it probably has a little something to do with the history of cartoons, kids’ TV shows, and Star Wars). Unlike the real pirates of old, you won’t have to walk the plank or dive into the gaping jaws of a leviathan to get the joke — we’ve done all that for you, risking life and limb on the high seas of the corny, the catchy, and the ridiculous to bring you the great white whale of dad humor: the pirate joke. This weathered old treasure map of pirate jokes will help you get to the hook faster and get your kids either laughing or arrrrghh-ing in exasperation.

The Funniest Pirate Jokes for Kids and Adults

  1. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? The letter RRRRRRR!
  2. What’s the best name for a pirate dog? Patches!
  3. Where did Bluebeard the pirate get his name? One day, the sea the wind came and blew his beard right off!
  4. Why can’t pirates learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at “C”!
  5. What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer? A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.
  6. What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes? 8 pirates.
  7. Why couldn’t the pirate crew play cards? Because the captain was standing on the deck!
  8. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
  9. What do you call a pirate that likes to skip school? Captain Hooky!
  10. What does the pirate say when his leg gets stuck in the freezer? Shiver me timbers!
  11. What did the ocean say to the pirate? Nothing, it just waved.
  12. How do pirates prefer to communicate? Aye to aye!
  13. Where can you find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs? Right where ye left him.
  14. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheap? He bought it on sail.
  15. Why is pirating so addictive? They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked.
  16. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook? An arm and a leg.
  17. How do you make a pirate furious? Take away the p.
  18. What’s a pirate’s worst enemy? Termites
  19. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
  20. Why is pirating so addictive? They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
  21. What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs? A rookie.
  22. What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet? I, I, R, and the seven C’s!
  23. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise? The plank!
  24. How much did the pirate pay for his earings? A buck-an-ear.
  25. A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man with an eyepatch running around and waving his arms wildly. “Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?” “I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”