One of the greatest things about being a kid in the ’80s was watching movies from that era (or the ’70s) that were rated either PG or G that totally had swearing and/or nudity. As a parent, this kind of thing terrifies me, but at the same time, I totally love the fact that as a 10-year-old, I got hit with full-frontal male and female nudity in Logan’s Run, even though the movie is rated PG. And the reason why that nudity was deemed fine is that it wasn’t really sexual at all.
Ditto Daryl Hannah’s buttcrack in the 1984 classic Splash. But apparently, some prudish monsters at Disney decided that said butt was too racy for the streaming service Disney+, so they covered it up. The new version has extra-long (super fake) digital hair covering Hannah’s ass like some kind of sentient tribble butt toupee from hell.
Disney+ didn't want butts on their platform so they edited Splash with digital fur technology pic.twitter.com/df8XE0G9om
— Allison Pregler 📼 (@AllisonPregler) April 13, 2020
Look. I get it. Disney+ needs to cast a wide mermaid-net. That’s fine. Covering up Daryl Hannah’s butt in Splash isn’t some terrible act of censorship, because I’d have to believe Splash was some sort of work of artistic genius in the first place, which I don’t. This isn’t a big deal, but it is deeply stupid. And the reason why is kids should be allowed to see the occasional G-rated butt.
Non-sexualized naked human bodies are not gross. And if Disney wants to act as a de facto babysitter (a pact we’re all implicit in) then it’s time to have a chat with them. Listen, Disney, it’s fine that you want what’s best for our kids. But hear this message: Most thoughtful people are not offended by human bodies. If you’re worried about Splash, then maybe just shove it over to Hulu and let us take our chances. Because putting a censored, clearly fake Splash on Disney+ misses the point.
Splash is junk. But it’s also harmless junk that families should be able to dive into without worrying they’re getting some bizarre edited-for-TV version. When Disney+ launched, they brazenly included a bunch of offensive movies on the service, complete with disclaimers to let the viewers know they were (for the most part) owning their past. This means that Disney+ is fine with showing you racist cats in Lady and the Tramp but not okay with you seeing a non-sexual mermaid buttcrack.
Given the choice between racist cats (or like, most scenes in Peter Pan) I think I’ll take the ass. Thanks.