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Best Ted Lasso Quotes: 18 Inspiring Pieces of Coaching Wisdom

"Be a goldfish."

Apple+

Ted Lasso, in the trailer for the upcoming second season of the eponymous show, utters several perfect Ted Lasso-isms, unofficially defined in the Fatherly dictionary as pearls of wisdom related to life and/or soccer. Our favorite of the bunch: “Lloyd,” the soccer coach says to a journalist who’s just asked him about his team’s embarrassing streak of tie matches, “I’ve never been embarrassed by having streaks in my draws. You know, it’s all part of growing up.”

And that led us to rewind and fast-forward through Season 1 of Ted Lasso in search of the best Ted Lasso-isms as we prepare for the arrival of Season 2 on July 23, via Apple+. So, here they are, without any further ado, though we highly suggest that you hear them in your head in Jason Sudeikis’s usually chipper, frequently inspirational/aspirational, generally wise, and occasionally heartbroken voice: Takin’ on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse. If you’re comfortable while you’re doin’ it, you’re probably doin’ it wrong.

Ghosts 

Rebecca: Do you believe in ghosts?
Ted: I do. But more importantly, I believe they need to believe in themselves. (Season 1, Episode 1, “Pilot”)

Tea

“I always thought that tea was just gonna taste like hot brown water. And you know what? I was right. It’s horrible. No, thank you.” (Season 1, Episode 1, “Pilot”)

Teamwork 

“I think that you might be so sure that you’re one in a million that sometimes you forget that out there, you’re just one of 11. “(Season 1, Episode 1, “Pilot”)

Be a Goldfish

“You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It’s a goldfish. You know why? Got a 10-second memory. Be a goldfish, Sam.” (Season 1, Episode 2, “Biscuits”)

Success 

“For me, success is not about the wins and losses. It’s about helping these young fellas be the best versions of themselves on and off the field.” (Season 1, Episode 2, “Biscuits”)

Strong Women 

“This woman right here is strong, confident and powerful. Boss, I tell ya, I’d hate to see you and Michelle Obama arm wrestle, but I wouldn’t be able to take my eyes off it, either.” (Season 1, Episode 3, “Trent Crimm: The Independent”)

Locker-Rooms 

“And when it comes to locker rooms, I like ’em just like my mother’s bathing suits. I only wanna see ’em in one piece.” (Season 1, Episode 3, “Trent Crimm: The Independent”)

Quitting Verus Letting Go 

Ted: Michelle, if there is something I could do or something I could say that would make you be happy just being with me, I’d do it. I’d do it in a nanosecond, but I ain’t got no control over any of that. You don’t have to keep trying anymore. It’s OK. I’m gonna be OK… Shoot. I promised myself I would never quit anything in my life.
Michelle: But you’re not quitting, Ted. You’re just letting me go. (Season 1, Episode 5, “Tan Lines.”)

Rich People 

“I like the idea of someone becoming rich because of what they gave to the world, not just because of who their family is.” (Season 1, Episode 6, “Two Aces.”

Butt Stuff 

You tore your butt, son. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. (Season 1, Episode 7, “Make Rebecca Great Again”)

Best Van Halen

 Room 5150. Finally. Sammy Hagar, greatest lead singer in Van Halen history… in the post-David Lee Roth era. (Season 1, Episode 7, “Make Rebecca Great Again”)

The Best Whitman Quote

“Be curious, not judgmental.” (Season 1,  Episode 8, “The Diamond Dogs,” quoting Walt Whitman)

Why Girls Rule the Worlds 

“Little girls are mysterious. And silly and powerful. I gave up trying to figure them out years ago.” (Season 1, Episode 9, “All Apologies”)

Good Opinions, Bad Opinions

“I want you to know, I value each of your opinions, even when you’re wrong.” (Season 1, Episode 9,” All Apologies”)

Ted Doesn’t Understand Offsides

“Come on, now! Explain to me how that’s offside… No, I’m serious. How is that offside? I don’t understand that yet.” (Season 1, Episode 9, “All Apologies.”)

No One In This Room Is Alone

“Please do me this favor, will you? Lift your heads up and look around this locker room. Look at everybody else in here. And I want you to be grateful you’re going through this sad moment with all these other folks because, I promise you, there is something worse out there than being sad. And that is being alone and being sad. Ain’t no one in this room alone.” (Season 1, Episode 10, “The Hope That Kills You.”)


Believe

“I believe in hope. I believe in “Believe.”

– Episode #10, “The Hope That Kills You,” as Ted points to the Believe sign over his shoulder in the locker room.

Ted Lasso Season 2 will premiere on Friday, July 23 on Apple+.