Being a dad has one of two outcomes on your creativity: it either kills it completely or forces every ounce of originality you ever had into pithy observations and sly comebacks. Some of us keep these asides to ourselves, others test them out on our partners. But the bravest among us hit up Twitter.
Twitter is a social media platform that may seem to be primarily made up of confusing memes and wild youths, but there are a lot of cool parents on there, too. Or at least we think we’re cool. Dads use Twitter to share the funny, silly, frustrating, and truthful events that happen in their lives. Some of them are famous. Some of them are Twitter-famous. Some of them are both. All of them are funnier than any of us.
And whether you are a brand new dad or a seasoned veteran in the parenting game, it always helps to laugh along with these hilarious dudes who are going through the same wonderful madness that comes with trying to raise a tiny human being. With that in mind, here a few of the best and funniest dad tweets from this week, including an honest assessment of whether or not hayrides are actually any fun, renaming ice cubes, and the agonizing futility of trying to clean up your house while your kids are taking naps. Get into it.
The Waiting Game
You can tell a dad’s age by counting the number of hours he spends a weekend “just waiting in the car.”
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 21, 2018
(Hay)Ride Or Die
Everyone loves a hayride for about the first six seconds of a hayride.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) October 25, 2018
Cleaning the house while your kids are taking a nap is like wiping your ass mid-shit.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) October 26, 2018
Take Me to Church
Apparently it’s "against church policy" to drop your kids off in the nursery and then go to brunch.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 21, 2018
Ice Ice Baby
My 4-year-old called ice cubes "water bricks," and now I'll never call them anything else.
— "Bare Minimum Parenting" comes out in 12 days (@XplodingUnicorn) October 26, 2018
If someone says “Wow, you’ve got your hands full!” That’s just slang for “Hot damn you’ve got a lot of kids! WTF were you thinking?!”
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) October 22, 2018
Just read a book where a cartoon dinosaur knocks down other kids' block towers. My four year old says he needs to go to jail.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) October 26, 2018
Sign Me Up
Just caught my 9yo forging my signature on a school paper. He’s going to be a blast as a teenager.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 24, 2018