Being a dad has one of two outcomes on your creativity: it either kills it completely or forces every ounce of originality you ever had into pithy observations and sly comebacks. Some of us keep these asides to ourselves, others test them out on our partners. But the bravest among us hit up Twitter.
Twitter is a social media platform that may seem to be primarily made up of confusing memes and wild youths, but there are a lot of cool parents on there, too. Or at least we think we’re cool. Dads use Twitter to share the funny, silly, frustrating, and truthful events that happen in their lives. Some of them are famous. Some of them are Twitter-famous. Some of them are both. One thing is for sure: all of them are funnier than any of us.
And whether you are a brand new dad or a seasoned veteran in the parenting game, it always helps to laugh along with these hilarious dudes who are going through the same wonderful madness that comes with trying to raise a tiny human being. With that in mind, here a few of the best and funniest dad tweets from this week, including what happens when you don’t post school photos, why summers are nightmares for parents, and the importance of always labeling your thermometers.
State of Parenting Emergency
We didn’t post pictures of our kid’s first vs. last day of school and our community is very concerned.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 29, 2019
What’s the Point?
4-year-old: I'm trying so hard.
Me: At what?
4: I don't know.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 29, 2019
There’s nothing more condescending than a 4yo correcting you while they’re in the middle of making up a story.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 27, 2019
A Doomsday Clock but it just counts down until the kids are home for summer break.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) May 29, 2019
Not Into Labels
Welcome to parenting: you'll regret not labeling the butt thermometer
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) May 28, 2019
Wake Me Up
I’m not sure which is a gentler way to wake me up; my 2yo or walking barefoot through a pile of glass shards.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) May 29, 2019
Ideal Chore List
It’s always “Did you pack the kids’ lunch and take care of that bill like I asked?” and never “Did you watch Netflix and eat a whole row of Oreos like I asked?”
— The Dadvocate (@thedadvocate01) May 29, 2019
I want my toddler to be independent but I also want this banana peeled before I die.
— Daddy’s Digest (@daddysdigest) May 27, 2019
Zorro to Hero
My five year old is watching Zorro, and his takeaway seems to be that he wants gold.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) May 26, 2019
Art Imitating Life
Son #2 had a birthday party at school today. He brought home a pile of handmade cards, mostly depicting his favorite things, like balloons and cookies.
But my favorite one included a classmate’s throwback rendering of him at a very early age. pic.twitter.com/3cJS0P3Ith
— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) May 30, 2019