Being a dad has one of two outcomes on your creativity: it either kills it completely or forces every ounce of originality you ever had into pithy observations and sly comebacks. Some of us keep these asides to ourselves, others test them out on our partners. But the bravest among us hit up Twitter.
Twitter is a social media platform that may seem to be primarily made up of confusing memes and wild youths, but there are a lot of cool parents on there, too. Or at least we think we’re cool. Dads use Twitter to share the funny, silly, frustrating, and truthful events that happen in their lives. Some of them are famous. Some of them are Twitter-famous. Some of them are both. One thing is for sure: all of them are funnier than any of us.
And whether you are a brand new dad or a seasoned veteran in the parenting game, it always helps to laugh along with these hilarious dudes who are going through the same wonderful madness that comes with trying to raise a tiny human being. With that in mind, here a few of the best and funniest dad tweets from this week, including what it takes to get your kid to be quiet, how fatherhood doesn’t mean you can’t look fabulous, and why being a parent is a little like Weekend at Bernie’s. Get into it.
My favorite thing right now is calling air pods ‘air buds’ in front of my 7th grade daughter and her friends.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 22, 2019
David (5) softly singing Beyoncé to himself:
“I’m a single lady
I’m a single lady
I’m a single lady
I’m a single lady…”
— Chris Hayes (@chrislhayes) May 20, 2019
I Scream for Ice Cream
I told my 9-year-old she couldn't have an ice cream sandwich because we need to finish off the leftover birthday cake first.
Welcome to her villain origin story.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 21, 2019
Team No Sleep
We moved our 2yo from a crib into a toddler bed which is exciting. A bigger mattress for him not to sleep on.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) May 21, 2019
Knot My Problem
My son asked me to teach him how to tie a tie but I thought it was just easier to give him the already knotted tie that has been handed down by the men in my family for generations.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) May 20, 2019
Stranger: Your child is so quiet!
Me: Finally right? He lost his voice after rage screaming for 72hrs straight.
Me: Why indeed….why indeed.
— Daddy’s Digest (@daddysdigest) May 21, 2019
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) May 19, 2019
Weekend at Bernie’s but it’s just my kids trying to get me off the couch
— *sigh*clops (@DadZZZasleep) May 20, 2019
8yo: Daddy, did you know that your you-know-what can do you-know-what if you do you-know-what to it?
Me: I don’t know if I knew that or not.
— Jonesy the Canadian Caveman 🇨🇦 (@Jonesy_donkey) May 23, 2019
Guess whose kids finally went to bed!
but I’m sure someone’s did.
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) May 22, 2019