Being a dad has one of two outcomes on your creativity: it either kills it completely or forces every ounce of originality you ever had into pithy observations and sly comebacks. Some of us keep these asides to ourselves, others test them out on our partners. But the bravest among us hit up Twitter.
Twitter is a social media platform that may seem to be primarily made up of confusing memes and wild youths, but there are a lot of cool parents on there, too. Or at least we think we’re cool. Dads use Twitter to share the funny, silly, frustrating, and truthful events that happen in their lives. Some of them are famous. Some of them are Twitter-famous. Some of them are both. One thing is for sure: all of them are funnier than any of us.
And whether you are a brand new dad or a seasoned veteran in the parenting game, it always helps to laugh along with these hilarious dudes who are going through the same wonderful madness that comes with trying to raise a tiny human being. With that in mind, here a few of the best and funniest dad tweets from this week, including how kids help parents experience youth in the worst ways, why lava isn’t a dad problem, and the power of a good shower cry.
If You Wanna Be My Lava
[screams in the next room]
Me: What's wrong?
Sounds like a job for Mom.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 29, 2019
Christmas in March
Y’all’s kids are still wearing Christmas pajamas right?
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 29, 2019
Oh To Be Young
Kids have a way of making you experience your youth all over again.
Like when I'm watching my 3 year-old take an hour to eat a banana, I think back to my younger years without kids.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) March 26, 2019
The Good Old Days
Tattoo Artist: So why April 14, 2007? Birth of your first child?
Me: Haha no…the day before.
— EdelBrice ???? (@StranDadAbroad) March 28, 2019
Man, before parenting I had no idea how satisfying a good shower cry could be.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) March 29, 2019
Having small children means the flooring in our house is about 60% damp Cheerios.
— Nathan Gregory (@MrGirlDad) March 28, 2019
Numbers Never Lie
Kids math word-problems should be more realistic like:
Your car is worth $3000 on a trade-in but you still owe $3700 on it. Then your “check engine” light comes on and the service department says you need a $4600 transmission.
Question: How many towels should you throw in?
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) March 28, 2019
Let It Snow
Me: If you kids don’t start sparking joy I’m throwing you in a snow bank
Wife: You can’t throw them in a snow bank! You have to “deposit” them
— *sigh*clops (@DadZZZasleep) March 28, 2019
Because I Said So
5: Can I jump on the bed?
5: But you are
Me: Do as I say not as I do
— The Dadvocate (@thedadvocate01) March 28, 2019
If you don't respond to an older child's complaint that their younger sibling hit them with "What did you do to deserve it?" … did you even read your parent manual (page 33 paragraph 2)?
— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) March 27, 2019