Being a dad has one of two outcomes on your creativity: it either kills it completely or forces every ounce of originality you ever had into pithy observations and sly comebacks. Some of us keep these asides to ourselves, others test them out on our partners. But the bravest among us hit up Twitter.
Twitter is a social media platform that may seem to be primarily made up of confusing memes and wild youths, but there are a lot of cool parents on there, too. Or at least we think we’re cool. Dads use Twitter to share the funny, silly, frustrating, and truthful events that happen in their lives. Some of them are famous. Some of them are Twitter-famous. Some of them are both. One thing is for sure: all of them are funnier than any of us.
And whether you are a brand new dad or a seasoned veteran in the parenting game, it always helps to laugh along with these hilarious dudes who are going through the same wonderful madness that comes with trying to raise a tiny human being. With that in mind, here a few of the best and funniest dad tweets from this week, including how sleep changes when you have kids, why understanding sighs is an essential part of raising daughters, and the one sin that a parent can’t forgive.
My toddler does a lot of crazy shit and I forgive all of it, but he eats cereal by drinking the milk out of the bowl first and this… this I do not forgive.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) March 18, 2019
6-year-old: You didn't scrape off my window.
Me: You don't need to see out. You're not driving.
6: What if there's horses?
Me: *scrapes off her window*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 22, 2019
Too Stressed to Get Dressed
The first hour of getting your kids dressed for school is always the toughest.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) March 18, 2019
Sigh of the Times
I have a wife and two daughters and it would really be easier if I learned sigh language.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 21, 2019
Slippery When Wet
30% of parenting is just asking,
“Why is this wet?”
— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) March 20, 2019
In The Club
Accidentally asked a conference room full of coworkers if they had to go potty before the meeting and my membership to the Parent Club auto-renewed itself.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) March 18, 2019
Parenthood is basically just a game of parents trying not to lose their shit, and kids doing everything in their power to make them lose their shit.
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) March 20, 2019
Rise & Shine
Love is letting her sleep in.
Marriage is resenting her for sleeping in too often.
Parenthood is nobody sleeping in ever again.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) March 21, 2019
This year, over 140 billion Goldfish Crackers will be produced and every single one will end up ground into the floormats of my van.
— Nathan Gregory (@MrGirlDad) March 22, 2019
Thanks to scheduled a power outage, we're being forced to talk and be a family.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) March 17, 2019