Being a dad has one of two outcomes on your creativity: it either kills it completely or forces every ounce of originality you ever had into pithy observations and sly comebacks. Some of us keep these asides to ourselves, others test them out on our partners. But the bravest among us hit up Twitter.
Twitter is a social media platform that may seem to be primarily made up of confusing memes and wild youths, but there are a lot of cool parents on there, too. Or at least we think we’re cool. Dads use Twitter to share the funny, silly, frustrating, and truthful events that happen in their lives. Some of them are famous. Some of them are Twitter-famous. Some of them are both. One thing is for sure: all of them are funnier than any of us.
And whether you are a brand new dad or a seasoned veteran in the parenting game, it always helps to laugh along with these hilarious dudes who are going through the same wonderful madness that comes with trying to raise a tiny human being. With that in mind, here a few of the best and funniest dad tweets from this week, including how long it takes for kids to get bored during summer, the unexpected reason you shouldn’t use euphemisms with kids, and why James Holzhauer really lost Jeopardy!.
-Kids on the 4th day of summer break
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 4, 2019
What Is Parenting?
My kid cried about the possibility of her dad losing, so I told her we could have a party the day after it inevitably happens. Now she cries when I win https://t.co/wuBEJtcP4J
— James Holzhauer (@James_Holzhauer) June 2, 2019
Like a Fine Wine
I texted my wife "Tonight after the kids go down, let's wine and dine" except my phone changed it to "wine and die."
It's almost like auto-correct knows how hard it is to be a parent.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) June 5, 2019
Choose Your Favorites
Welcome to parenting. Please ensure you have a favourite:
Food that isn’t pizza
Meat eating dinosaur
Racing car that isn’t red
Word beginning with T
Other place you’ve never been
Way to tie shoe laces
— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) June 6, 2019
All Pain, No Gain
5-year-old: Why are you doing push-ups?
Me: To get stronger.
5: Why isn't it working?
Back to working out alone.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 6, 2019
Song in Your Heart
My Son Is Definitely Mine, Vol. ?
At today’s parent teacher conference, @VAMNit was informed that when it is my son’s turn in Storytime, he insists on accompanying music,
enlisting a friend to play drums while HE tells the story and I just…
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin_Manuel) June 3, 2019
Fresh Prince of Bedtime
One night before bed my kid asked me to sing a new song, but the only one I could think of at the time was the fresh prince of bel air theme.
This is how millennial lullabies are born.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) June 6, 2019
The Dog Days Aren’t Over
me: it’s raining cats and dogs out there
5yo: *runs to the window* you liar
— *sigh*clops (@DadZZZasleep) June 4, 2019
All About Perspective
Sure, I have a wife, two kids, and a full-time job, but my life is far from perfect. For example, I have a wife, two kids, and a full-time job.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) June 4, 2019
Food for Thought
Whenever I am at an event where there's food and someone says, "Look at all these extras. Here, take them home for your kids," I always do, and I never give them to my kids.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) June 4, 2019