Being a dad has one of two outcomes on your creativity: it either kills it completely or forces every ounce of originality you ever had into pithy observations and sly comebacks. Some of us keep these asides to ourselves, others test them out on our partners. But the bravest among us hit up Twitter.
Twitter is a social media platform that may seem to be primarily made up of confusing memes and wild youths, but there are a lot of cool parents on there, too. Or at least we think we’re cool. Dads use Twitter to share the funny, silly, frustrating, and truthful events that happen in their lives. Some of them are famous. Some of them are Twitter-famous. Some of them are both. One thing is for sure: all of them are funnier than any of us.
And whether you are a brand new dad or a seasoned veteran in the parenting game, it always helps to laugh along with these hilarious dudes who are going through the same wonderful madness that comes with trying to raise a tiny human being. With that in mind, here a few of the best and funniest dad tweets from this week, including having to explain awkward terms to your kid, why kids are like cartoon characters, and wondering about your life choices. Get into it.
7-year-old: Can a regular horse ever be a sea horse?
Me: No. They're completely different.
7: So what's a regular horse that goes swimming in the sea?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 23, 2019
So You Think You Can Dance?
On a road trip passing a billboard that says live girls dancing daily.
My daughter’s voice from the backseat, “wow, that’s a lot of recitals.”
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 21, 2019
A Room of One’s Own
Once you can send your kids to play in the other room without worrying about them dying, the second part of your life begins.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) July 22, 2019
Back to Work
ME: *comes home from work*
4Y/O: hi daddy, what’d you do today?
ME: went to work
4: what else?
ME: that’s all
4: well you should have done more
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) July 23, 2019
Road Not Taken
Two hours into an eight hour road trip with a screaming pair of toddlers, I realize I took a wrong turn somewhere. Pretty sure it was when I settled on a communications degree in college.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) July 24, 2019
Life Imitating Art
My one year-old is going through a horrible tantrum phase, muttering gibberish and then screaming when things don't go his way.
Basically, his spirit animal is Yosemite Sam.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) July 22, 2019
My toddler discovered Snapchat has a filter that puts a pacifier in your mouth. It had the same effect as showing a recovering addict a filter of them heating heroin on a spoon.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) July 23, 2019
Where’s My Dragon?
My son is really into the How To Train Your Dragon series lately and I’m not too proud to admit these movies fuckin’ slap and I want a dragon now.
— the drake gatsby 👣 (@DrakeGatsby) July 22, 2019
Hard to Explain
My 6yo just asked me what a side chick is
— David Hill (@davehill77) July 22, 2019
My son dropped off a job application so it’s just a matter of time before he’s as miserable as the rest of us.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) July 22, 2019