Being a dad has one of two outcomes on your creativity: it either kills it completely or forces every ounce of originality you ever had into pithy observations and sly comebacks. Some of us keep these asides to ourselves, others test them out on our partners. But the bravest among us hit up Twitter.
Twitter is a social media platform that may seem to be primarily made up of confusing memes and wild youths, but there are a lot of cool parents on there, too. Or at least we think we’re cool. Dads use Twitter to share the funny, silly, frustrating, and truthful events that happen in their lives. Some of them are famous. Some of them are Twitter-famous. Some of them are both. One thing is for sure: all of them are funnier than any of us.
And whether you are a brand new dad or a seasoned veteran in the parenting game, it always helps to laugh along with these hilarious dudes who are going through the same wonderful madness that comes with trying to raise a tiny human being. With that in mind, here a few of the best and funniest dad tweets from this week, including the unexpected similarity between babies and the Backstreet Boys and why it’s better to play it safe when it comes to cooking for kids. Get into it.
Road to Nowhere
7-year-old: Move. I'm in a hurry.
Me: For what?
7: Nothing.
My entire life.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 31, 2019
Phoning It In
Today I had to raise my kid for five hours with no phone like "Little House on the Prairie" or some shit.
— Dad That Writes ☕ (@dadthatwrites) July 31, 2019
Handle With Care
My wife refuses to let me do her laundry. Not that I want to, but apparently she doesn’t trust me to get it right.
No issues handing over the baby though.
— Daddy’s Digest (@daddysdigest) July 27, 2019
Follow My Lead
toddler: I wanna swim in a volcano
me: I’ll go first to make sure it’s safe
— *sigh*clops (@DadZZZasleep) August 1, 2019
Animal Instinct
I wish I could use the same excuses to call into work that my kid uses to get out of bed at night. Like, “Sorry, I can’t come in today there are too many stuffed animals in my bed.”
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) July 29, 2019
I Want It That Way
My 5 Backstreet
year old Boys🤝
“TELL ME WHY”
— The Dadvocate (@thedadvocate01) August 1, 2019
Under the Pee
🎵I had to pee
I had to pee
But it's much better
With my pants wetter
Apparently🎵-My 3 year-old's rendition of "Under the Sea" as he peed his pants instead of pausing "The Little Mermaid."
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) August 1, 2019
Crayon You Believe It?
Annual school supply shopping reminder that Rose Art crayons are a hate crime.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 29, 2019
Scream & Shout
Me: what do you want to do today?
My toddler: i was thinking we might take it easy. Maybe watch a movie.
Me: ok cool.
Toddler: I’m gonna scream at you for no reason now.
Me: but-
Toddler: *already screaming*
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) July 31, 2019
Food Feud
Jeez, honey, I'm sorry our kids wouldn't try your lentil "oatmeal" for breakfast. Toddlers are notorious for embracing weird versions of their favorite foods, so I'm just as baffled as you are.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 1, 2019
