As a dad, there’s nothing better than hearing other people articulate some truth from the wild world of parenting. It helps remind us that fatherhood is a shared pursuit and, well, that crazy stuff happens to every parent. There’s no better display of this than on Twitter, where parents regularly share the funny, silly, frustrating, and truthful events that happen in their lives. To that end, here are ten of the best dad tweets from this week.
The Most Brutal Science Experiment
I’m not sure if it’s possible to kill a person through sleep deprivation, but I’m pretty sure my kids are trying to figure it out.
— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) April 12, 2018
It's ok cafeteria workers, I too cook food for ungrateful little shits. You're not alone
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) April 12, 2018
On a flight I once asked the flight attendant to switch my seat as I was sitting next to a screaming baby.
Apparently you're not allowed to do that if it's your own baby.#parenting
— Jack's Dad (@DaddingAround) April 8, 2018
We’ve Got a Winner
Contestant #1: Um…socks..shoes..jackets…
Contestant #2: Things in a closet?
Contestant #1: …cereal…balloons..putting clothes away…who showers first…
Contestant #2: THINGS KIDS ARGUE ABOUT
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) April 12, 2018
A Reasonable Request
3-year-old: The tooth fairy didn't leave me money.
Me: You didn't lose any teeth.
3: Do you have extra?
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 11, 2018
A Winning Idea
Uber except someone just comes to pick up my kids and take them away for a few hours.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) April 12, 2018
A Dad’s Eye View
Watched Moana again for the first time in a while. That opening scene when 3yo Moana is playing by the ocean by herself is terrifying.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) April 12, 2018
SON: Where do babies come from?
DAD: One time I put my phone down and listened with meaningful eye contact while your Mom complained at length about her coworkers. 9 months later you were born.
— …And Justin For All (@Staggfilms) April 9, 2018
They Learn So Fast
My toddler’s been repeatedly saying “you’re so funny, daddy” and while my heart tells me it’s genuine, everything else tells me she’s discovered sarcasm.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) April 7, 2018
You Were Warned
In fairness to my kid he has told me in no uncertain terms that he has left toy trains all over the house and has advised me not to step on them so there comes a point where this is my fault, really.
— Gerry McBride (@GerryMcBride) April 10, 2018