Humor is an essential coping tool for surviving tough times. Shared laughter gives us strength in adversity and can help us feel a bit more in control when the future looks uncertain. And laughter literally makes us stronger. Recent studies have found that a good laugh can boost our dopamine levels and even shore up our immune systems. Most importantly, funny jokes — even coronavirus and quarantine jokes — bring us together and help us to feel connected, one pandemic quarantine pod to another.
So, while we obviously need to take COVID-19 very seriously, and follow the recommendations from the CDC and the WHO, we also need to laugh. We could all use a few moments in the day that feel lighter, and a well-timed pandemic joke might just take your mind off the apocalypse-adjacent state of the world and serve as a reminder that there’s always something, however small, to smile about. From convos with pets to lock down spins on the classic knock-knocks, here are some of the funniest quarantine, COVID-19, pandemic, and virus jokes on the internet.
Funniest Quarantine Jokes
- Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken behind it didn’t know how to socially distance properly.
- Two grandmothers were bragging about their precious darlings. One of them says to the other, “Mine are so good at social distancing, they won’t even call me.”
- Who’s idea was it to sing “Happy Birthday” while washing your hands? Now every time I go to the bathroom, my kids expect me to walk out with a cake.
- My husband purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands—that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.” Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge.
- Ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen.
- My mom always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by lying in bed all day. But look at me now, ma! I’m saving the world!
- After years of wanting to thoroughly clean my house but lacking the time, this week I discovered that wasn’t the reason.
- If I keep stress-eating at this level, the buttons on my shirt will start socially distancing from each other.
- Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
- Yesterday I ran out of soap and body wash and all I could find was dish detergent. Then it Dawned on me.
- Being quarantined with a talkative child is like having an insane parrot glued to your shoulder
- I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch them with a six-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
- The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
- Since we’re all in quarantine I guess we’ll be making only inside jokes from now on.
- I’m not talking to myself, I’m having a parent-teacher conference.
- This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog–we laughed a lot.
- Nothing like relaxing on the couch after a long day of being tense on the couch.
- I finished Netflix today.
- Pollen still coming out during a global pandemic? Bitch read the room.
- – Knock knock. Who is there? Seriously, don’t touch my door and get back 6 meters to social distance.
- Day 121 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”
- If you bought 144 rolls of toilet paper in preparation for a 14-day quarantine, you probably should have been seeing a doctor long before coronavirus.
- How did the health experts lie? They said a mask and gloves was enough to go to the grocery store. When I got there, everyone else had clothes on.
Funniest Coronavirus Jokes
- Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? It’s a long story….
- You know what they’re saying about 2020. It went viral faster than anyone thought it would.
- What’s the best way to avoid touching your face? A glass of wine in each hand.
- If coronavirus isn’t about beer, why do I keep seeing cases of it?
- What’s the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet? One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis.
- What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany? The wurst-kase scenario.
- Back in my day, you would cough to cover up a fart. Now, with COVID-19, you fart to cover up a cough.
- You know who buys up all the toilet paper? Assholes.
- Nail salons, hair salons, waxing center and tanning places are closed. It’s about to get ugly out there.
- Why don’t chefs find coronavirus jokes funny? They’re in bad taste.
- What should you do if you don’t understand a coronavirus joke? Be patient.
- The grocery stores in France look like tornadoes hit them. All that’s left is de brie.
- I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.
- Finland just closed its borders. You know what that means. No one will be crossing the finish line.
- What do you tell yourself when you wake up late for work and realize you have a fever? Self, I so late.
- Still no toilet paper in the stores. They’re wiped out and you’re shit out of luck.
- So many coronavirus jokes out there, it’s a pundemic.
- What did the man say to the bartender? I’ll have a corona, hold the virus.
- If there’s a baby boom nine months from now, what will happen in 2033? There will be a whole bunch of quaranteens.
- Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around.
- I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers. Times are rough.
- Yeah, I have plans tonight. I’ll probably hit the living room around 8 or 9.
- Why didn’t the sick guy get the joke? It flu over his head.
- 30 days hath September, April, June, and November, all the rest have 31, except for March which was infinite.
- What types of jokes are allowed during quarantine? Inside jokes!
- You know what they say: feed a cold, starve a fever, drink a corona.
- What did the sick parent make their kids for lunch? Mac and sneeze.
- Where do sick boats go to get healthy? The dock!
- What does eating raw garlic have to do with preventing COVID-19? It helps keep everyone at a safe distance.
- Knock Knock!