Nick Viall Gets Real About Fatherhood

Nick Viall first appeared on “The Bachelorette” 12 years ago and ever since, he’s had one serious reality TV run. From “Bachelor in Paradise” to “Dancing With the Stars,” “The Masked Singer” to “Age of Attraction,” which he currently co-hosts with his wife, Natalie Joy Viall , his handsome mug is everywhere. He also notably doles out relationship advice, also alongside his wife, on the The Viall Files, one of the most popular relationship podcast on Apple that airs three to four times a week.

What viewers might not know is that this Wisconsinite, the second oldest of 11 siblings, has a two-year-old and, since July, twin infants. So how’s twin dad life? “When you tell people you're expecting ... people are more prone to just kind of, I call doomsday kind of advice,” he tells Fatherly. “And then it happens, and you're so happy and everything feels like a blessing.” We caught up to give Nick the Cool Dad questionnaire and it seems he didn’t want it to end. “It's fun to talk about fatherhood,” he says. Which is good, because he’s got a lot of fathering on his hands right now.

How's being a twin dad going? I have had friends who were twin parents, and it's so … much.

Overall, it's great. I mean, I think every stage is different. With newborns — it sounds like you're a father as well, so as you know — they're just little potatoes at first. And for the most part, other than the regular feedings and having to wake up multiple times in the middle of the night, which can get tiring, it's not too bad. But obviously those moments … pockets of overwhelmingness of like, "Oh, no." One cries, and then you calm one down, and then another one cries.

For the most part, I was joking with Natalie, my wife, about it honestly, because you get so nervous about twins. A lot of times when you tell people you're expecting ... People are more prone to just kind of give what I call doomsday advice where it's like, "Oh, get ready for hell," or something like that. And then it happens, and you're so happy and everything feels like a blessing For the most part, it just feels like you got a BOGO, like a buy one, get one free. And it's like, great. Obviously, my wife during the pregnancy, different experience. Obviously, I think it's a lot more on mothers to carry two than one.

But it's been really exciting to just be like, "Oh, we already have three kids, and it only took two pregnancies." So easy for me to say, obviously, but it's been really fun.

Well, congratulations. The first question I have is just wondering what kind of dad are you?

I'm a pretty involved dad and pretty hands-on. Natalie and I, ever since we've been together, we just share the responsibilities of our household. And that was true even before we became parents. I was lucky enough to have the parents I had. And I think that the biggest takeaway I had from my childhood is just how my parents worked as a team.

I have 10 brothers and sisters. And my parents were very lower middle class, very blue collar. My mom stayed home and worked. I mean, my mom stayed home and raised the kids, my dad worked, but that wasn't based on some kind of a decision they made. It was more like that was the situation they had.

In terms of the day-to-day, they shared their responsibility. My mom did a lot of the traditional day-to-day keeping up the house, but my dad would often make dinner. My mom sometimes would mow the lawn. It was just more like all hands on deck type of thing, and you just do things as a team. And that's just something Natalie and I implemented into our relationship early on. And then, obviously, when River showed up, it continued. And then Natalie started working with me on the show.

And so really we're just very involved. And so any little thing I can do to help Natalie or just be an involved parent, we're doing things together every step of the way.

So I'm just hyper-involved. There's no her thing, my thing. We conquer and divide, and certainly, we joke where I'm allergic to laundry, she's allergic to dishes. I don't mind doing dishes. She doesn't mind doing laundry. So there's definitely things that we have our preferences, but for the most part, we just share everything.

What's one thing you wish your kids had today from your childhood or will have?

Well, I feel very fortunate to say that I was lucky enough to try to be able to give the best part of my childhood to my children because I was lucky enough to buy back my grandfather's lake house a couple years ago. And that was a place that in my childhood was like my Nirvana. It was my special place.

Sadly, when my grandfather passed away when I was in the fourth grade, they sold that property, and it was like this devastating moment of my life. It was like some real childhood trauma.

And it was a place that, quite frankly, I had recurring dreams all the way into adulthood. And again, I was lucky enough to buy it back and just really excited that it will be a place that I'll hopefully be able to give to my children, and a place that they'll be able to grow up and we'll have, obviously, a lot of hopefully monumental family events there. So that's definitely something I want them to have.

But thinking in the vein of how times might be different, I think the world's changing so fast. I have such fond memories of going to the movies as a child, going to Blockbuster and picking on a movie and things like that. And some of those moments I hope we'll still be able to do. Or just maybe I hope there's a renaissance of people wanting to get outside, touch grass type of thing. And I hope that's something our children will be able to enjoy.

And certainly, in the lake houses up in the middle of nowhere in Wisconsin will be a great tool to help our kids want to be outside and play in nature and just make-believe. Most of my childhood was a lot of just make believe with my friends outside. And we would ride our bikes all over the place.

It's weird. I'm sure you're probably familiar with that book, The Anxious Generation by Jonathan … he talked about the freedoms that kids used to have back in the day and parents like 5, 10 years ago got a little... it's like you get nervous about the world, but you took for granted, again, the dangers of the phone. And so I'm really hoping my kids get to embrace the world and get outside and play make believe with their friends and things like that. So that's a big focus for us and certainly, hopefully, something that I hope they do get to enjoy because those are always fond memories that I have as a child.

That's a great perspective. I mean, I do agree that right now is a good time to have kids because everyone is much more aware of the difficulties parents are facing . You'll see all the support in elementary school. It's really talked about a lot.

And on to the next question: What does your wife love about you?

Well, I think probably just the fact that, I hope, that I like to think I'm her rock. There's so much burden and pressure on moms postpartum. I like to think that my job is just to be a cheerleader. When I get a sense that she's stressed out or feeling overwhelmed, I'm quick to try to give her a break, tell her to go lie down if that's what she wants to do. I'm always there and always available.

And I hope that's one thing that she loves most about me, but I just try to be as supportive as possible just to remind her and just be a cheerleader. Just always remind her that she's doing a great job because, again, there's just so much pressure that moms put on themselves.

The other side of that coin, what does she maybe find annoying about you?

Oh, my God, the list is so long. Well, I don't know how to close a cupboard. I don't put things away. I leave a trail of destruction wherever I go. I'm messier than our two-year-old. So there is that.

I've recently got back into some video game playing, which definitely gives her the ick, but she is kind enough to let me decompress with a game here or there. So I think she'd prefer it not to exist, but … everything in moderation. Again, the trick for any dad out there who enjoys a video game or two is to never let it get in the way of being helpful. So that's the trick to get it in when you can, but never let it come in the way of, obviously, being a partner and being a father.

What does fatherhood mean to you in the current world?

I mean, it means everything to me. I've had this conversation with a lot of peers that I have, and I have a lot of women friends in the space I work in, and so talked to some new young mothers, young professionals who, obviously, their careers are and still are really important to them.

Once you have a child, I describe it as the easiest North Star. I've been fortunate enough in my life to accomplish a lot of cool things and it's nice to have individual accomplishments and accolades and awards, but they're not always as fulfilling as you think they might be when they happen. Fatherhood, parenthood is just... you always know why you're doing something. You always know what the purpose is. And so even the late nights, it's a drag to get up at 2:00 in the morning, but you know why you're doing it, and you always get a sense of purpose and accomplishment. And it's just the best motivator. No matter what's going on in work or in our personal life, it really calms you down.

I'm a fairly anxious, high-stress guy. It's easy for me to get worried about work and all the things that are going on in this world. And then I have the benefit of coming home, and especially with River now when she greets me. I'm constantly on my phone with work, and I'm never not working in a sense, but when I walk into the house, Natalie's incorporated this kind of best practice of making sure I'm off my phone and I'm very present to greet River. Even if it's for a few minutes, even if I still have some work left to do, I never walk in on the phone and I'm not giving her my undivided attention. And it's something like Natalie incorporated, which I really appreciate that she did, and I think it's just a really great best practice that we do.

Thank you so much for all the thoughtful answers.

I appreciate it, man. It's fun to talk about fatherhood.

It truly is.

It's something I really enjoy. And it's weird because in my... I don't know if you've noticed this. I mean, it's weird how parenting has become, like everything else these days, almost like a polarizing topic. No parent is indifferent about parenting, and obviously, every parent comes with passion, but it's weirdly become a topic that I'd want to talk about more, but sometimes it's like you want to be careful because you don't want to force your thoughts and feelings onto others.