Kim Kardashian’s Playroom Tour Is Triggering AF

Something that makes me irrationally satisfied as a father is picking up my daughter’s dolls, dinosaurs, crayons, play-dough containers, coloring books, stuffed animals, little horsies, maracas, guitars beloved storybooks and putting them back the fuck where they go after she goes to sleep. Sometimes I even do this while she’s awake in an effort to model good behavior. Occasionally — but rarely — my toddler will assist me in this task. It’s a futile gesture, of course, because my daughter can quickly put her things back into a state of disarray. That said, I find the quixotic task of putting her toys where they go to be a defining part of my parenting.

This is why I find Kim Kardashian’s recent Instagram post —detailing everything in her children’s playroom — to be triggering as fuck. This is like a before and after thing, but it’s only the after. Kim, the before is what we’re interested in. That’s what we all relate too. What gives.

But this week, in an effort to show a less-polished side of parenting, Kim Kardashian showed us her kids’ playroom, and I’ve got mixed feelings.

On the one hand, I guess I now have something in common with Kim Kardashian? She likes to clean-up her kids’ messes and brags about it, too. In a new Instagram post, Kim says she’s “cleaning up for the night,” and reveals the playroom for her kids and it is filled with all kinds of bullshit. Like, I recognize every phylum of toy and plaything she has here — horsies, bears, musical instruments, babydoll carriages, et al. — but if I have five of one of these types of things, Kim Kardashian has about twenty. This is while I respect this post, I find this Instagram post difficult to watch. As Kim takes us around the room, we see that — correctly — she has a spot where each of these objects lives, and by the time she took this video everything has been put in its right place.

I’m not saying I want to see the utterly trashed version of the Kardashian playroom, because honestly, as she shows us around it’s the only thing I can imagine anyway. I get that Kim was trying to say, hey, this is me being relatable as a parent. Sure. But I kind of want to see the footage she didn’t film right before this. The moment when she screamed and cursed because she stepped on a Lego. The moment where she couldn’t find the “right” dress for one of the doll babies, and, imagining a future tantrum, threw said naked plastic doll at Kanye West and then screamed, “YOU CLEAN UP THE FUCKING DOLLS MOTHER FUCKER!”

So, I guess I like Kim Kardashian’s playroom tour, partially. It represents an idealized, platonic world in which a playroom exists without children throwing toys everywhere. It’s a fantasy. But, it’s a lie, too. And, I suppose, it could be therapeutic…if you didn’t have kids. Like, perhaps this is Feng Shui for the kid-curious.

But for now, as much as I respect it, I can’t watch the video again. You’ll have to excuse me, one of Daniel Tiger’s plastic shoes is missing and it may or may not be shoved inside of this miniature ukelele.