It’s essential for couples to carve out time for intimacy. And the bedroom is an ideal arena where couples can crank up the emotional and physical intimacy levels. While, yes, sex is an act of intimacy, not all sex can be described as intimate. A quickie? It certainly could be intimate, but intimacy isn’t exactly the point. The point is capitalizing on the moment and making it happen with speed because, hey, we have five free minutes.
In other words, it’s good for couples to make a conscious effort to highlight intimacy in the bedroom. One of the best ways to do this is to prioritize intimate sex positions — that is, variations of normal positions that emphasize eye contact, body touching, and more of that good stuff.
“Trying out new sex positions is one way to boost intimacy and communication between couples,” says Dainis Graveris, certified Sex Educator and Relationship Expert at SexualAlpha. “The most intimate sex positions are not always the hardest, messiest, or the most animalistic. Sex is most intimate if there is a connection.”
Making a point to emphasize intimacy is a great way for couples to reconnect. “Even couples who started out with intense sexual chemistry often plateau leaving them yearning for that sexual fix,” says, Lynda Smith, a board certified sex therapist, relationship expert, and founder of The Intimacy Code sex therapy program. “The loss of interest, boredom, and routine are major signs that sex has become stale and that change is in order. Adding new sex positions reignites the spark and rekindles the fire in the bedroom.”
So what are some of the most intimate sex positions? Here, with help from both Graveris and Smith, are seven intimate sex positions for couples to know.
1. The Pretzel
According to Smith this is a relatively simple, um, twist on a sex position that helps increase intimacy. “It’s the perfect opportunity to look and touch,” she says. It works like this: The woman lays down on her side, leaving her bottom leg flat and outstretched. She then raises her top leg and wraps it around her partner’s waist. Then, her partner kneels, straddles her bottom leg, and proceeds to enter. “The partner can also use his hand to support her raised leg,” says Smith, which will give each person an intimate, arousing view of the other.
2. The Sideways 69
A 90-degree twist on the classic 69, this position creates intimacy through one of the most personal sexual acts a couple can share. “Giving and receiving oral sex is one of the most intimate things partners can do,” says Graveris. Best attempted on a soft, flat surface, this position requires both partners to lie down in opposite directions facing each other’s genitals. “Make sure to maintain space for breathing, and you’ll find that this position offers both the fun of oral sex, and the closeness of spooning,” Graveris adds, asserting that the vulnerability and trust required to make it work is a key aspect of the intimate experience.
3. The Man Chair
Seated sex, per both Graveris and Smith, is ripe with opportunities for physical and emotional closeness. The man chair is an excellent example, as it simply allows a lot of your bodies to touch each other. To do it, the man sits on the edge of a chair or bed and the woman sits on top, with her back facing the man. “You can make this position even more intimate with eye contact by doing it in front of a mirror,” adds Graveris. “That way, you can read your partner’s cues as well.” To turn up the heat with this position, Smith offers an easy suggestion. “If the woman pulls up a chair and puts her partner in it while she gets on top, it will drive him crazy.”
4. Side-by-Side Missionary
This missionary modification takes what’s great about the original — the eye contact and the physical closeness — and adds the spice of lying down, completely relaxed. “Instead of the usual man-on-top missionary, you and your partner should be on your sides, facing each other,” says Graveris. “The woman then drapes her leg over her partner’s hip for deeper penetration while both partners keep their eyes locked on each other.” The position adds a lot of room for interpretation: “You can share long hugs and deep kisses, talk sweet or dirty, and ask your partner where they’d like to be touched,” he says
5. Modified Doggy Style
Here’s how it works. Start with the traditional doggy style position where the man penetrates the woman from behind. Then, you both lower yourselves down until you’re both almost on all fours. The purpose of this mod is two-fold, says Graveris. First, you position yourself for deeper penetration. Second, your bodies will be physically nearer than normal doggy style, which will allow for more kissing, touching, and up-closeness. And, if you’re feeling adventurous, try the mod of this mod, which Smith calls “The Flatiron”. “The woman rests on her stomach in a plank position while her partner straddles her,” she explains. “Then, she raises her hip slightly to increase penetration and get more intimate skin-to-skin contact.”
6. The Seated Wrap Around
For this intimate sex position, both partners sit cross-legged as the top partner, usually the female, straddles the bottom partner. The woman wraps her legs around the man while embracing and facing him, allowing the man to penetrate with his penis or using a sex toy. “While it’s bound to be a bit awkward the first few times, practice makes passionate perfection,” says Graveris. “Even without penetration, this position is perfect for making out, heightening arousal, and building connection.”
7. Mutual masturbation
The act of self-pleasure is a great way to get in touch with your own sexual preferences. Add your partner to the mix, and it becomes an intimate game of show and tell. “Both partners can lie down or stand up and show each other how they love touching themselves,” explains Graveris. “Nothing feels more intimate than maintaining eye contact with your partner as you move your hands over your body and focus on the parts that turn you on.” If you do decide to stand — like in the shower — Smith explains how the transition to intercourse can be doubly arousing. “Standing sex is intense, and it provokes that sweaty, hot, ‘I gotta do you right now’ feeling, which can turn the intimacy up a notch.” And, if you were paying attention to your partner before, you know exactly what to do.