How to Talk to Your Partner About Having More Sex

This is what the discussion should look like.

Couple touching foreheads in bed with light casting on them
Shutterstock/Elena Chevalier

So, you’re in a relationship, and want more sex than you’re currently having.

You wouldn’t be alone. One 2015 study that tracked couple’s desire found four in five people in relationships dealt with differing levels of sexual desire within a single month. Additionally, low desire and desire discrepancy are the most common sexual issues that come up in couples therapy. In other words, this issue is not rare. Of course, that doesn’t make the question of “how to ask for more sex?” any easier to address.

Everyone deserves to feel sexually satisfied, and for those in relationships, we know sexual satisfaction is interlinked with overall relationship satisfaction. So if this is something that’s on your mind, know that it is worth bringing it up to your partner. There are also ways to approach this conversation—and the mutual efforts that need to come after it—with a sense of camaraderie, care, and curiosity.

Here are a few tips to keep in mind if you want to ask for more sex.

1. Open a dialogue

bring it up to your partner

2. Approach the situation as a team.

I want sex. He doesn’t.

3. Consider what can be improved for your partner.

consider your partner’s needsHow do I get this person to have more sex with me How do I help my partner enjoy sex more, so they’re as genuinely excited to have sex as I am? body anxiety

4. Learn about your partner’s experience of desire.


spontaneous desireresponsive desireafterrandomlyreliablyunappealing

5. Remove the pressure

6. Keep initiating