6 Things Every Woman Wishes You Would Do During Sex

Because even though she’s not saying it, she’s probably thinking it.

by Carrie Weisman
Originally Published: 
A couple kissing

Women have wants. A lot of them. Ones that revolve around equal wages and an ability to walk down the street unbothered. And also ones that revolve around sex. Great sex. Of course, it can be hard to articulate certain desires, especially if you belong to a demographic society who likes women to keep cute and quiet. But passivity doesn’t always lead to pleasure. Listed below, we bring you six things women wish you would do during sex. Because even though she’s not saying it, she’s probably thinking it.

1. Amp Up the Foreplay

The experts estimate it takes women around 20 minutes or so to become fully aroused. Men, on the other hand, can usually get there in a fraction of the time. Of course, sex requires some compromise. But when it comes to matters of arousal and orgasm, the tortoise usually takes precedence over the hare. The more time spent on foreplay, the more opportunity the clitoris has to fill with blood and for the vagina to become lubricated. And both of those processes are key to satisfying sex. Plus, the more time you spend fooling around, the more opportunity you give those feel-good hormones to circulate throughout the body. Studies show that foreplay helps spark the release of dopamine and oxytocin, which have been linked to motivation and feelings of bonding. “Too often sexual intimacy is rushed,” says Jennifer Rahner, a sex educator and co-founder of Geeky Sexy Love. “Even though we get naked together, sometimes laying out our needs is very difficult. Really listen to what she says and ask for clarification where needed,” she adds. Go slow, and enjoy the ride.

2. Spend More Time Downtown

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: penetration is not the most reliable means by which a woman can attain an orgasm. According to the Kinsey Institute, women are more likely to hit climax after participating in a variety of sex acts, including oral sex. Plus, it provides an opportunity to focus solely on her pleasure. And that’s demonstrative of a good and selfless lover. Of course, we’re not knocking the endless waves of pleasure your erect penis will indubitably provide to your partner. We’re just saying there’s nothing wrong with changing it up, time to time.

3. Be More Attentive to Her Orgasms

Sure, this one may seem like a tall order. But, as outlined in our previous point, penetrative sex does not always provide her with an orgasm. Try getting her off before the intercourse begins. Use your fingers, or maybe your tongue. That way, neither one of you have to sit on any added pressure during sex. Plus, the vagina tends to provide more lubrication during climax. And that always helps enhance the penetrative experience.

4. Be a Little More Adventurous

Getting rough with someone on the street is an inexcusably juvenile way to handle conflict. Getting rough with someone in bed, however, can be super hot. Of course, you need to make sure your partner is on board before you go there. “In the #MeToo age, many men feel they need to shy away from rough play, but as long as you’ve had consent conversations, and you know it is something she likes, absolutely proceed,” says Rahner. After all, a little physicality can go a long way. So long as she’s into it, some gentle hair pulling and dirty talking can really help enhance the experience.

5. Break out the Toys

Contrary to popular belief, sex toys and sex can work together towards a common goal. As we mentioned earlier, penetration doesn’t always lead to orgasm. That’s largely because intercourse alone doesn’t always provide an opportunity to stimulate the clitoris. And as research suggests, a good majority of all women require clitoral stimulation to reach climax. Still, it makes sense to want to see your partner hit climax during sex. If that’s the case, then there’s no shame in bringing in some reinforcements. There is a wealth of sex toys on the market, specifically designed to hit the clit during sex. Talk to your partner, and shop around.

6. Live in the Post-Sex Moment

This one is important. Sex does not begin with a boner and end with an ejaculation. Yes, we know you may get sleepy after orgasm (when men climax, they release prolactin, a hormone strongly linked to sleep). But please, do your best to hold out, and hold her for a bit. It’s a considerate way to conduct oneself after sex. As most women will tell you, there’s nothing less sexy than a man who is blind to emotional cues. “Those post-sex moments are so important for building intimacy,” says Rahner. “I know that physiologically all you want to do is sleep after you’re spent, but try to stay awake for a bit of a cuddle.”

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