Ty Burrell Has Some Advice For Parents of Teens

Let’s be honest, Ty Burrell, aka Phil Dunphy from Modern Family, could give us a good talking to about the finer points of latex paint and we’d probably cozy up to listen. He’s just that kind of guy — disarmingly affable and sincere and funny. This is a good thing because right now he’s talking about meningitis. Yes, meningitis, that overlooked infection that, you probably didn’t know, kills 1 in 10 who develop it with 1 in 5 having long-term health consequences like brain damage and hearing loss. Also, kids age 16 to 23 have the highest rates of it. And that’s what brings us here with Burrell, a dad of two teens, and a message. In partnership with GSK (for the Ask2BSure campaign) Burrell has teamed up once again with Julie Bowen and a stand-in teen actor (mom and dad are back!) to give awareness and, yes, make jokes.

Leading up to the campaign we talked to Burrell about his own two teens and how’s he’s doing as a parent of a notoriously tough age, what advice he has for those with pre-teens, and how he’s become the doorjamb of the family (and that’s ok!)

So … Why are you, Ty Burrell, America’s dad, talking about meningitis?

Well, it's pretty organic, actually. I have teenage girls, and unfortunately, the most vulnerable population is, actually, I guess, teens to college, 16 to 23. And that's doing large part to the teen lifestyle. My girls play sports, and there's a lot of water bottle swapping. And once you're in college, it's dorm rooms and it's kissing and all of it. And there's a lot of bugs that go around in that environment.

But meningitis doesn't come up as often as I think it really should, because I know there was just a recent outbreak in Britain, and there's the potential for long-term effects, and sometimes, unfortunately, death. I think one in five who get it have lifelong effects like limb loss and brain damage, loss of sight, and then one in ten die. So that's why I'm partnering with GSK on the Ask2BSure campaign to raise awareness about meningococcal disease or meningitis.

To that end, we made a video that we hope is funny, kind of a lighthearted way to educate people and inform people.

It is funny! But I must say as a parent of a 14-year-old, I almost couldn't get the humor because I got afraid.

Yeah, I know. It's a tightrope walk, isn't It?

I happened to have a doctor check in with my 14-year-old this week and I asked them about meningitis. It turns out that I'm two years early. So I'm wondering outside of this PSA, which I think will get people asking doctors, what basic things should parents of teens know.

Well, I would direct them to a healthcare professional in terms of all of the basics. But what I know is that the vaccines available, in terms of strains, A, B, C, W, and Y, but a lot of teens don't have the meningitis B vaccination. And that was true of my 16-year-old. And I did the same thing. When I started to learn more about how serious this was, I had a conversation with our doctor and she hadn't had B yet, so that's now scheduled. And I mean, as far as my knowledge about it, it would be that and really just encouraging people to have a conversation with their doctor about the risks of meningitis and about vaccination, and if that's an option.

It is that simple. I was wondering, I mean, we dads, are always look for a way to make something into a lecture... Is there a way to segue from the meningitis talk or explanation to other necessary talks?

Man, that's a great question.

You do have to say it's because you're probably going to be making out with people.

Yeah, totally. I don't know what it's like for you, but I feel like the window in which I actually have any influence for them is three sentences. And I don't know if that's a lack of attention span because of phones or screens or what have you, or it's just time-honored parenting, that you just have the floor for a brief moment before you are tuned out.

“I don't know what it's like for you, but I feel like the window in which I actually have any influence for them is three sentences.”

And their brains short-circuit.

Totally. And get frustrated fast. It's a lecture. We're now in a lecture. So I don't know about the segueing into a separate topic, but I will say that my wife, luckily, with girls is taking the conversation off of my plate.

Oh great. You can just tell them how dirty dorm rooms are.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

That's the dad's role. So you have two teens now. What's the toughest things you've found about raising them and maybe what's the best?

I think that the really natural want for independence, especially our 16-year-old ... Well, actually both of them, we have a 16 and a 14-year-old, but I think they are both craving more independence and more of their own choices and more of their own time. And yet we're still on the job. We are the ones that have to keep them healthy and safe. And so I feel like, I don't know if you feel this way, but I feel like the challenge is really making them feel heard and seen and giving them as much freedom as I possibly can. And still, which it's hard to do because once they experience some of that freedom, it's very hard for them to then have you say, "But not this thing, that's dangerous," or, "That's unhealthy," or whatever that is.

"They're going to be really mean to you. Don't take it personally, just be nearby."

This is why, and this is very hard for me because I want to be my kid's best friend. This is where I share personality traits with Phil Dunphy. I really want to be their friend, but you really can't ... It's not always an option. It just isn't always an option. A lot of points, you have to actually say, "No, you are going to be mad at me, but this is about health and safety." That's the hardest thing. And then I think added on to that, it's like how do you remain connected to them in a time when they're trying to find their own voice and trying to separate from you really? And I think that's completely natural. They are actually trying to pull away so they can be their own selves, and yet it's really important, I think, that you stay connected. I got really good advice from this book a long time ago called The Wonder of Girls, and his advice was like, "They're going to be really mean to you, and don't take it personally." He said, "Just stay nearby. Don't take it personally, be nearby." And that's always been in the back of my mind.

Metaphorically, I'm kind of by the doorjamb of the room. Are you thirsty? Everything okay in there? You safe? But yeah, it's not easy.

That's Great. The Go the F*ck to Sleep author just wrote an essay for Fatherly for his latest book Go to the F*ck to College ...

Oh, I didn't know there was a sequel.

It just came out! It should be very pertinent to you. But he talks about one piece advice he got from a friend was all teens are saying, "F*ck you, tuck me in. " And I think it's just a more crude way of saying what you were just saying

It kind of covers it. I still get requests. My daughter will act like she never wants to see me again, and then I'll hear like, "Are you not tucking me in? " Okay, I guess there's something there still.

So what's the best part of raising a teen? For the preteen parents in our audience, can you give them some hope — and maybe advice?

I would say the level of nuance in conversation is a real high for me, especially somebody who is interested in comedy. My 16-year-old is pretty stoic. I always think of her as the leading man in a Western or something. She's this person staring off distance, and she's got three words for any answer. But my 14-year-old has always had a strong sense of irony, always, always been funny, and always had a real sense of looking at the world and seeing irony. And as she gets older, her perspective on things, it's pretty remarkable to be around a kid who is starting to see the world and seeing some of the contradictions of the world and some of the things that are unfair, but also just the things that are inherently funny about how seriously we all take ourselves. It's pretty cool. So I think that's one of the great trade-offs is that you end up actually having an intimate relationship with somebody who is really experiencing some of these perspectives for the first time.

“No matter whether they consider me a friend or not, I do have to keep them safe.”

That's great. And then any advice for our younger audience? I mean, as far as parenting advice, but also you were thinking about meningitis, any just really pragmatic pitfalls that you would've done differently?

I would say if I were going to go back and re-parent, I would say, "Bend, don't break." I would've given them both more of a leash. Leash is a terrible word for kids really, but you know what I mean? More slack in terms of just they're really exploring who they are and letting them really ... I think we did our best with that, but you're so worried about health and safety, that is mental health, physical health. I think that's a big part of why the meningitis, this campaign to talk about it is really important to me because at the very end of the day, that is the bottom line. No matter whether they consider me a friend or not, I do have to keep them safe. And we've already had lots of bugs go through the family from their interactions with other teens, including mono and all kinds of stuff. But if you get meningitis, that's a whole different ballgame.