There will come a time when all reason will fail you in the face of unimaginable horror. And who will be responsible for this horror? It will be your child, as they put a gob of glistening poop (their own or the dogs or a close friend’s) in their adorable little mouth. You will think, for a fleeting second, that this event has strained the bonds of affection to the breaking point, but they won’t snap and you will rise to the challenge. What is that challenge? Reacting appropriately, whether that means call poison control or simply washing and re-washing a child that will be forever unclean.
And here’s the spoiler: Poop isn’t the worst-case scenario. Kids eat everything from boogers, to ear wax, to earthworms, to the crusties out of the dog’s eyes. If it’s gross, babies and toddlers will try to consume it. Gross is seemingly part of the baby food pyramid, a small layer right above, “Own Appendages.” Again, the best way to prepare for the eventuality of non-food ingestion is to seriously consider all the gross stuff your child is likely to consume.
For the vast majority of children, eating non-food stuff is just part of the process of exploration. After all, the lips, tongue, and face are some of the places with the most nerve receptors in the body. If you want to get the most information about a thing as you possibly can, shoving it into your pie hole isn’t the worst idea. Many scientists still consider doing tasting a valid form of inquiry.
A Note On PICA
For a smaller number of children, eating non-food related things could be linked with developmental disabilities or early brain injury. In these children, the condition is called PICA. It’s also experienced by some women during pregnancy.
You can differentiate PICA from normal developmental exploration if you find that your kid persists in eating specific non-food stuffs, despite attempts to curb the behavior. Another indication is if the behavior continues past an age when it’s appropriate to explore things with the mouth.
How To Respond When Your Kid Eats Something Gross
Calling poison control is a no-brainer in circumstances where your kid is gnawing on non-organic inedibles, chewing dryer lint or quaffing bleach (though you did some baby-proofing to make sure that doesn’t happen, right?). Don’t worry about this being an overreaction. The folks at poison control are used to it and, in most cases, will simply explain that panic isn’t necessary. There are basically two rules to follow: Never induce vomiting and call poison control if you are ever in doubt.
Much of the stuff your kid can get into from day to day is not capital “P” poisonous. Unpleasant? Yep. A choking hazard? Most assuredly. But in small amounts, nothing to worry about.
Things get a bit more complicated in suppressing the gag reflex way when it comes to organic inedible, like poop. Many babies’ most disgusting moments won’t end poorly, but some will in a gastric sense.
In small amounts, most poop won’t be harmful, but it could give your kid food-poisoning-like symptoms. Mice poop is singularly dangerous. Dog poop is not. Baby poop is, well, likely to consumed at some point and probably not a problem beyond it being very gross and not unlikely to lead to some digestive ramifications.
What To Do: Watch for diarrhea, vomiting, and fever, which could occur within 30 minutes to 4 hours of ingestion. If symptoms don’t show up, give them some water and keep an eye out. If symptoms do show up and persist, it’s a good idea to call your kid’s doc.
This is an unsightly habit that many kids fall into. It’s deeply unpleasant to watch, and teaching a kid to not pick their nose and eat it is a good idea for social reasons. But there’s no real medical concern here.
What To Do: Politely suggest they stop.
It’s not uncommon for a young baby to regurgitate food and then reconsume said food. It’s unpleasant, but mostly a product of the newborn digestive system being slightly wonky.
What To Do: Make sure you know the difference between spit-up and vomiting. If a child is eating his or her own vomit (or simply vomiting a lot), you should call a pediatrician.
Small amounts of various pet chow and treats will likely be harmless. However, experts have linked some pet food to salmonella outbreaks.
What To Do: Call your pediatrician and let them know. Ask about salmonella symptoms.
Bugs and Dirt
Bugs are non-toxic and are unlikely to cause any serious issues and dirt can actually be really healthy for little kids to consume. It helps them build out their microbiomes — that is unless it contains fertilizers or feces in which case it’s likely to trigger food poisoning-like symptoms.
What To Do: Keep an eye on the kid. If he or she is eating dirt that you’re confident is clean, let it happen for a bit.
Mushrooms, Berries, and Houseplants
These things can be incredibly toxic to little systems. Also, there is a tremendous variety which means you’ll likely need help.
What To Do: Get poison control on the horn and make sure you snap a picture of the offending mushroom, berry, or plant in question to help the experts identify the risk.
Pot decriminalization is occurring in many states. Consequently, more kids are accessing dope. Keep in mind that little systems aren’t ready for your grown-up nonsense.
What To Do: In the most extreme cases of pot “poisoning”, a kid’s breathing could become too shallow to provide enough oxygen. Also, because dosage is hard to understand for legal weed, your best course of action is to call poison control. They are more interested in keeping your kid safe than narcing you out. They’re there to help.