There is no perfect time to get married or have children, but when men follow through with both, it changes their lives forever. Likewise, when men opt out of becoming husbands and fathers, it can send their lives on a similarly specific trajectory. But life-long bachelors aren’t the video game lovers with a fear of intimacy that movies might have you believe. New research shows that single men lead healthy fulfilling lives that are full of friends, sensitivity, and resilience — something that flies in the face of research that holds up marriage and family as the healthiest option for men. The following studies explain exactly what these eternal uncles are in for.
Single Men Are Rich in Friendship…
Single men are not a bunch of isolated basement dwellers and are significantly more likely than married men to have several close friends. One in eight men report not having any friends at all (and a lot of these men are married with kids), and yet friendships help people live longer lives, stave off cognitive decline, and increase general well-being. Guy friends are a precious public health commodity single men have covered.
…But Poor in Money
What single men gain in friends, they lose in money, studies show. Men who stay unmarried make anywhere from 10 to 40 percent less than married men. There’s evidence that fathers make up to 21 percent more than men without children, though studies also suggest men with wives and kids work longer hours and put up with more workplace bullshit than single men. Now, this does not mean marriage and parenthood cause financial success (anecdotally, that sure doesn’t sound right). Indeed, other research argues that men are simply more likely to get married and have kids when their income is already rising. Either way, your unmarried, childless friends are probably making less money than you are.
Single Men Commit More Crimes…
Marriage reduces the likelihood that men will commit crimes, studies suggest, and data indicates that becoming a father quells criminal impulses even further. In societies with a disproportionate number of men who cannot marry or have children, either as a result of polygamy or uneven sex ratios, we tend to see higher crime rates, higher rates of extremism, and more time at war across the board.
…But They Are More Sensitive to Feelings of Judgement and Regret
When men cannot have their own biological children due to fertility problems, they go through a bereavement period and feel a sense of regret, studies show. And when they can’t have children because they can’t find partners, they’re more likely to be judged by others, and more likely to lash out. The perception of being judged for the inability to marry and have kids has stoked the rise of a dangerous group of involuntary celibates or “incels,” a number of whom have orchestrated mass shootings. Married dads are far less likely to feel disenfranchised, at least in this way.
Being Alone Doesn’t Necessary Mean Being Lonely…
The good news for bachelors is that scientists are starting to suspect they’ve underestimated the upsides of being alone. Despite warnings of a loneliness epidemic, people who stay single and don’t have children report deeper connections to friends, parents, and other family members, as well as to their work. Single people have a heightened sense of self-determination and are more likely to continue growing as people, one study found. Single people also demonstrate more emotional self-sufficiency, especially when it comes to dealing with negative emotions.
…But It Still Isn’t Entirely Clear What It Does Mean for the Individuals
“The preoccupation with the perils of loneliness can obscure the profound benefits of solitude,” Bella DePaulo, a scientist at the University of California, Santa Barbara, told the American Psychological Association. “It is time for a more accurate portrayal of single people and single life — one that recognizes the real strengths and resilience of people who are single, and what makes their lives so meaningful.”