Researchers Have Finally Determined What’s Keeping Your Wife Awake At Night

Science already betrayed you once when it said that your wife needs more sleep than you. But is she getting it? A new forthcoming study, set to be presented at the American Academy of Neurology’s 69th Annual Meeting in April, says of course not. What are you, new?

Researchers conducted phone surveys with 5,805 people about their sleeping habits. Of the 2,908 women (under age 45) who responded, no other factors ⏤ not exercise, not marital status, not education ⏤ affected their sleep as much as raising a family. Only 48 percent of mothers reported getting 7 hours a night, compared to 62 percent of women without children. Optimum sleep was considered 7 to 9 hours, while anything under 6 was deemed insufficient. Tell that to your toddler.

The odds of a woman getting an insufficient amount of sleep increased by 50 percent with every kid, so don’t try that math if you have more than 2. Mothers also recalled being tired 14 days per month, whereas women without children were only sleepy 11 days. Big props to the researchers for daring to ask moms if they’re tired and not have them take it as total sarcasm.

As for men, they apparently slept the same amount whether they had kids or not, because studies never seem to take your side. To be fair, it’s not your fault that college prepared you to sleep through anything. Regardless, rest is vital for your health and your spouse could use more of it. So whatever you do, don’t ever wake her up. That’s your kid’s job now.