For as much fun as making a baby is, it doesn’t take more than a few unsuccessful months before things can quickly turn tense. And while a great way to relieve that tension is obviously having more sex, you should also find out once and for all if your boys are sinking or swimming. Like most everything else nowadays, you can do it using the smartphone in your pocket with YO Sperm. (It’s only half as gross as you’re thinking.)
What it is, is an FDA-cleared, app-based semen test that counts motile sperm. You use YO like a diabetic uses a smart glucose meter, but instead of pricking your finger — does this need to be spelled out? The kit comes with a mini-microscope that attaches to your smartphone, a collection cup, 2 test slides, liquefying powder, and a small pipet. All you do is collect your sample (no helpers allowed!), fill the slide, and answer a few trivia questions about your favorite male reproductive cell while your sample rests for 10 minutes. Insert the slide into the microscope. Win a prize!
From there you can sit back and calmly wait by watching a video of your boys in action (they look like gnats on a tent window, by the way.) Your camera’s phone just turned into a high-powered microscope. In 2 minutes, you’ll have your 97-percent accurate test results with zero awkward nurse interactions. You’ll get a quick QC pass or fail on the test itself, as well as your MSC (motile sperm concentration) range. Don’t understand anything you’re reading? Don’t worry, the app will explain.
To protect your sperm count from Russian hackers, the app requires you put your phone in airplane mode during the test, although all results remain stored on the phone after that — so be careful with those cloud backups. The $50 kits include 2 strips, and while you can’t get ahold of one for a couple more weeks, that shouldn’t stop you from preparing for the big test.
YO Sperm Test ($50, Pre-order for January 2017)