Much like giving flowers and those “funny romantic” Hallmark cards that joke about having sex, rolling with a heart-shaped box of chocolates on Valentine’s Day runs the risk of being a little ho-hum. It also looks like you did your shopping at Walgreens. Instead, take your ganache game from cliché to classy with the best Valentine’s Day chocolates that’ll make you look like the most discerning cocoa connoisseur. And you won’t even have to suffer through that Johnny Depp movie for help.
Oregon Craft Brewers Truffle Collection
For the barley and hops lover in your life. Moonstruck Chocolate Company’s taken four types of beer ⏤ Wheat, Brown, Porter and IPA ⏤ from four of the Beaver State’s finest breweries (Widmer Bother’s, Rogue Ales, Deschutes, and Full Sail Brewing) and turned them into an elegant collection of truffles. There are 12 in the box and each is topped with a clever chocolate bottle cap.
Game of Thrones Dragon Egg
For your very own mother (or father) of dragons this Valentine’s Day, the chocolates in this set are made to look like the three petrified dragons’ eggs Daenerys received for her wedding. Naturally, there are three different flavored eggs — milk chocolate and mint, dark chocolate with hazelnut, and white chocolate with raspberry. And while they aren’t cheap at $45 a pop, you do at least get a full pound of chocolate in each. If your special lady’s not a fan of the GoT, don’t worry, the Truffle Cottage also makes chocolates based on characters from Star Wars, Harry Potter, and The Walking Dead.
Recchiuti Black Box
The only way your partner isn’t going to be blown by this exotic collection of 16 truffles is if they used to be a chocolatier. Ingredients are sourced from around the globe (hazelnuts from Italy; coffee from Hawaii.) and the eccentric flavors run the gamut from Spring Jasmine Tea and Star Anise, to Lavender Vanilla, Tarragon Grapefruit, and Pink Peppercorn.
Jack Daniel’s Infused Milk Chocolate Bar
It’s a 3.5-ounce Swiss milk chocolate bar infused with a shot of Jack Daniels syrup. That’s pretty much all that needs to be said. Except that you can also get it filled with Remy Martin Champagne V.S.O.P. Cognac or Grand Marnier if you want to get all fancy about it this Valentine’s Day.
L.A. Burdick Chocolate Penguins
Bonus points if you narrate your partner opening this handsome wooden box of nine chocolate penguins in your best Morgan Freeman voice: “They have almond wings, but cannot fly. They’re birds filled with limoncello-accented ganache that think they are fish. And every year, they don a dark-chocolate tuxedo with white accents and embark on the near-impossible journey to find a mate.”
Benchic Chocolate Making Kit
Any idiot can go out and buy a box of chocolates (that was the point of Forrest Gump, right?), but you’re going to be the idiot that makes them for Valentine’s Day. Benchic sets you up with everything you need to make 60 kick ass pieces of confection. Mix up the organic Peruvian cocoa butter (and Dominican Republic cocoa powder) with honey, lucuma powder, crushed almonds, and coconut. Mold it. Eat it. Make more because your spouse will be home soon.
Mast Brothers Sea Salt Collection
Sea salt, it’s not just for relaxing baths after the kids go to bed anymore. No, the fancy-Dan, New York-based chocolatiers at Mast Brothers have paired “rare sea salts with unusual ingredients” to create a set of 12 tasty candy bars guaranteed to impress. They even went all in on the packaging to make the paper wrap as artisanal as the chocolate inside.
Farmacy Beauty Sweet Lips Gift Set
This Valentine’s Day chocolates gift set designed to keep her lips tasty and supple includes three flavors of artisanal small-batch chocolate bars (lavender mint, strawberry basis, and apple rosemary) accompanied by matching lip balm.
Compartes Chocolate Heart Love Box
“Look under your dining-room chair … everybody gets a geometrically angular heart-shaped box of chocolates!!! You get one! Your wife gets one …” Okay, so that’s what would happen if Oprah was in your house on Valentine’s Day, since she named this box of 35 colorful chocolates to a recent “O List.” Flavors include strawberry champagne, red velvet, and raspberry rose, and the artsy box comes either adorned with the word “LOVE” or two pairs of lips, depending on whether the kids are staying with your parents for the night.
Charles Chocolates Fleur De Sel Caramel Edible Box
Now when you sarcastically quip, “Don’t eat the whole box,” you mean it! These Charles caramels actually come in a chocolate cube that’s designed to be devoured. Although before your partner even gets to enjoy the package this Valentine’s Day, they can savor the 18 fancy caramels inside: Half are classic chocolate, and half are bittersweet.
Defonce Cannabis Chocolate
Your partner wants to chill out at the end of the week for the same reason you might want a splash of Jack Daniel’s in your morning coffee: parenting’s a high-stress gig, man. Defonce’s marijuana-infused chocolate just helps make sure the Jumparoo doesn’t reek of weed in the morning. Each 3D-designed bar contains 180 milligrams of THC (broken into 18 pyramids), and they come in eight flavors, from Mint and Matcha to Hazelnut and Coffee. Just not whiskey-infused coffee.(Find It Near You)
This article was originally published on