Need Them Or Not, You Can Now Get Pants With ‘Anti-Ball-Crushing’ Design

Go nuts!

by Dave Baldwin
Lululemon ABC Pant

If there’s one thing you can count on in life, it’s that your boys are gonna bust your balls. Your pants, on the other hand, shouldn’t bust your boys. Enter: The ABC Pant from Lululemon. (Yes, that women’s athletic-clothing company that specializes in see-thru yoga gear.)

In a Q1 earnings call, CEO Laurent Potdevin called the athleisure company’s “Anti-Ball-Crushing” (or what used to be known as “not tight”) its hottest-selling item right now. And they’re not even transparent! Instead, they’re just casual pants you can wear to work and are made from quick-drying athletic fabrics that stretch and wick sweat. They also happened to be designed to let your testicles roam free and comfortably unfettered. Nobody wants to rock a drop-crotch or spend most of their day adjusting like a first baseman on Four Loko.

You could get away with wearing them to the office (especially if you work in a yoga studio), but sporty features like zippered pockets and reflective cuffs mean you’re most likely to wear them around the playground. The ABCs come in eight colors like “wacky khaki” and “cool beans” brown — which your buddies will most definitely bust your balls about.

Buy Now $128