If you’re one of those dads who thinks that parenthood is about giving your kids the things you never got as a child, and you’ve already bestowed upon them a Radio Shack Electronics Set, then it could be time for the mother of all holiday gifts: a go-kart! Or battery-powered toy cars for kids! Or a hoverboard! Or a sled! Or any of the other sick holiday gifts on this list that are likely to make Junior the kid in the neighborhood everybody wants to hang out with but secretly resents.
Radio Flyer’s Tesla Model S For Kids
For only $71,000 less than the grown-up model, your 3 to 8-year-old (who weighs less than 81 lbs) can zip around the neighborhood in a miniature, battery-powered replica of the Tesla Model S. The base model’s equipped with all the bells-and-whistles that kids have come to demand in their luxury vehicles: Forward and reverse, a trunk, a working horn and headlights for night riding, and a sound system/audio jack. But what you’re really looking for in a cul-de-sac cruiser is a fast-charging, lithium-ion battery that lasts way longer than the Barbie Corvette. What a stellar holiday gift.
Infento Constructible Ride
A Lego bike is cool, but a Lego kids bike you can ride is even cooler. That’s the power Infento enables your kid to lord over their friends as they pedal out-of-the-box bigwheels like suckers. While their parents dump and buy a new plastic ride every 6 months, you and your kid simply rebuild Infento, from wagon to trike to scooter to go-kart — with optional add-ons for snow. As for a drivable, block-built Millennium Falcon … dad’s got to have dreams this holiday season.
Razor Hover Trax 2.0
While the words “Razor scooter” make you fondly think of the days when your buddies would rag on grown-ass men riding them to work — times have obviously changed. The Hover Trax 2.0 is the second generation of Razor’s high-tech, self-balancing scooter (aka, the Hoverboard) that can hit 8 mph and ride for up to 60 minutes on a single charge of its 36V lithium-ion battery pack. The holiday gift has fender bumpers, two modes (for training and everyday use), and can hold up to 220 pounds — so you can make fun of yourself as you ride to the office.
Actev Arrow Smart-Kart
Actev is a Silicon Valley go-kart startup looking to be the “Ultimate Driving Machine” for those who just learned to spell BMW. The Arrow Smart-Kart has a rigid steel frame, two independent 120W electric motors, obstacle avoidance technology (remember, this is a go-kart), and a contoured seat with dual speakers. Most striking is the fact that parents can control the go-cart via a smartphone app. In other words, if Junior guns the holiday gift for a busy intersection, the engine can be instantly disabled. Or, as your like to call it, the “buzzkill switch.”
Actev Arrow Smart-Kart
If you want to attain baller status in the eyes of your 2-year-old with a holiday gift, wheel in one of these things with a bow tied around it. The Early Rider Lite is a top-of-the-line kick kids bike between 18 months and 3 and a half (or until they master the whole pedal-pushing thing). It even has a faux-leather seat and a goddam flame on the side. With this holiday gift, who’s the cool “uncle” now?
STIGA Snowracer FSR GT
Many sleds can race down a hill, but only one can call itself a snowracer. Literally, STIGA owns the trademark. Your kid will look X Games-ready atop this bad boy, especially considering it’s capable of this. (Might want to invest in a decent helmet while you’re at it.) They’ll also likely learn a valuable lesson: just because you’re gripping a steering wheel doesn’t mean you’re going to avoid that tree.
The Plyfly is a Pinewood Derby-style go-kart holiday gift that you snap together by hand (preferably like a euphoric Boy Scout while your family looks on, bewildered). It arrives in 3 boxes – one with the deconstructed wooden frame, one with the fully constructed engine, and one with the hardware — and it can be assembled in a few hours. The 2.5-horsepower model goes 17 mph, while the 4-horsepower model tops out at 25 mph. Go earn that “Involved Dad” merit badge.
L.L. Bean Sonic Snow Tube
The Humvee of the hill, this snow tube was originally designed for commercial use, meaning you can jump on with confidence that it can handle all manner of tube-tearing ground effects and your own post-post-adolescent, dadbod physique. That’s key, because the holiday gift’s inner circle is a touch large for small kids but perfect for father-kid tandem descents.
NERF Battle Racer
The NERF Battle Racer by Hauck Toys is a 4-wheeled mutant Bigwheel designed to let your kid go mini Mad Max all over the neighborhood. It’s got two blaster storage brackets in the front, two in the rear, extra dart storage between the two front guns and in driver’s seat compartments, 3-point steering, and a handbrake. Unfortunately, with a weight limit of 110 pounds, this junior combat Jeep cannot contain an overzealous dad. So, if you swiped your kid’s NERF longbow and want in on the action, you’re going to have to chase them around the neighborhood the old-fashioned way: with one of these.