Last weekend’s alleged “Fight Of The Century” was a dud, but the future of boxing is in the capable hands — or, rather, tiny furious fists — of an 8-year-old Kazakh girl. In a recent video that lit up the Facebooks, little Evnika Saadvakass treated her dad’s hands the way most boxing fans hoped Pacquiao would have treated Mayweather’s mouth, and her skills are (allegedly) the result of a training tool invented by Papa Saadvakass called Evnik. Maybe you actually want to train your kid to box; maybe you’re just a fan of hilariously translated website — either way you need to visit the online store for this thing.
Apparently, swinging this oversized bottle opener while you exercise makes you a beast. At least, that seems to be the case with Evnik and her 13-year-old brother Rushik, who are the most terrifying adolescent siblings since the girls from The Shining:
What’s the snapping hiss you hear with every swing of the Evnik? Why, that’s “the sound of power.” And if that’s the funniest line you’ve read today, then prepare for the motherlode. The website is a series of one unintentionally hilarious statement after another, which don’t even require you to read them in a Borat accent (although you definitely should):
“Disclose the secret of the most fast girl.”
“Evnik on your hand is your personal trainer, which helps you in the sport ground and seems realy professional.”
“There is no even analogue in the world.”
Evnik comes in 5 colors and is available in both adult and child sizes, but unless you’re still actively pursuing athletic greatness, just get one for you kids, because: “Evnik for kids. If I can … then I am not little!”