I owe my ass an apology.
By submitting it to the harsh ministrations of toilet paper, it suffered years of abuse, mistreatment, and dare I say debasement. But let me back it up a little bit here.
Everyone poops. You know it. I know it. But how to keep your anus clean after departure of said poop is a major issue. Using baby wipes makes sense, but if you flush them they end up in horrific mountains of waste called fatbergs. Look them up. You’ll lose your appetite.
The other option is toilet paper. You scrape away to remove any remnants of fecal matter and in the process, and wind up with a butthole that’s sore and chafed and itchy. Fun!
There is, however, a third solution. And having grown up in Germany, I was quite familiar with it. The bidet. It’s a mini-shower for your ass. It rinses away the waste, and you use a tiny bit of toilet paper to dry off. And you’re done. It’s that simple. Especially when it’s hot out, when your undercarriage can feel a bit, well, swampy, the bidet is your savior.
I recently re-embraced the bidet life by installing the Tushy Classic Bidet. The water sprayer slides onto your existing toilet seat, attaches easily to the same water source your toilet uses, and sprays a clean stream of water. It also has a self-cleaning nozzle. The slim apparatus is stupidly simple to install. In fact, it took me less than five minutes from start to finish. It’s also stupidly easy to use. You figure out whether you want your frontal area or nether regions washed, select your water pressure, and turn the dial: A refreshing blast of cool water gives you a speedy, refreshing cleanse. It’s a day spa for your derrière.
The Tushy bidet keeps your butt clean. And it installs in minutes.
Now, the Tushy does require some practice to get the hang of it. The first time I tried it, water shot out over the floor. The second time, I was a bit more careful. By the third time, I couldn’t remember my life without it. I now use a fraction of the toilet paper I needed before. And I don’t waste my time or corrupt the environment with baby wipes.
My Tushy is a single-temperature bidet, meaning it uses cool water. You can also get the dual-temp option. Your call. There are far fancier and costlier options out there, but I have a small bathroom and my home improvement skills are nil. So I figured basic was best. And let me tell you. Once you go bidet, you never go back.
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