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Who Needs Toilet Paper? These High-Tech Bidets Can Power-Wash Your Butt

Your only regret will be that you didn't switch sooner.

In the early days of the pandemic, Americans panic-purchased billions of rolls of toilet paper, as publicized fears of a toilet paper shortage become a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s understandable: Toilet paper is symbolic of normalcy, good hygiene, and civilized life. But that’s precisely why you should invest in a bidet instead. The best bidet toilet renders toilet paper (almost) obsolete and keeps your nether regions clean and fresh. While Americans have traditionally been skeptical of the bidet, that seems to be changing — American startup and bidet proselytizer Tushy saw a tenfold increase in sales earlier this year, thanks in part to the toilet paper shortage.

Because toilet paper shortage or not, there’s still no good reason to submit your most delicate body parts to the harsh ministrations of toilet paper. The bidet — which attaches to your toilet seat and shoots a spray of clean water to wash away fecal and any other matter — is a bathroom staple elsewhere in the world for a host of excellent reasons: Since they use a water spray, rather than rolls and rolls of paper, they’re more hygienic, less wasteful, and less irritating to the skin, as well as more cost-effective (over time) and way more eco-friendly.

Many modern bidets simply slide on to your existing toilet seat, attach easily to the same water source your toilet uses, and spray a clean stream of temperature-controlled water. The other option, of course, is using scratchy toilet paper to ineffectually clean yourself and then tossing the filthy wads of said paper back into the landfill. Sounds civilized!

The Best Bidet Toilet Seat Attachments

The Tushy bidet keeps your bum clean. And it installs in minutes. Now, the Tushy does require some practice to get the hang of it. On a first try, there's a good chance water will shoot out all over the floor. Second try, slightly better. But by the third, you won't remember your life without it. You'll use a fraction of the toilet paper you needed before. And you won't be wasting time or corrupting the environment with baby wipes. Tushy’s bidets come in single- and dual-temp editions, but both get the job done. Once you go bidet, you never go back.

One of Amazon's most popular models, the GenieBidet has a nozzle that gives you a refreshing water cleanse, eliminating the need for harsh toilet paper. It has a contoured seat, and cleans both your butt and your frontal area. It's easy to install, easy to use, but not so easy on the eyes. Meaning, the nozzle is in plain view. But that being said, it gives you a very good cleaning and leaves you feeling nice and fresh.

The SlimEdge is a snap to install and has a nice, narrow profile. The dual-nozzle spray is easily adjusted with the turn of a knob. While there’s not a warm-water option, its low cost makes the SlimEdge a good choice for someone interested in testing out the bidet waters.

For the bidet-wary, here's one that is incredibly easy to use. It's a mechanical cold-water bidet, with control nobs that are self-explanatory and take all the mystery, such that there is, out of bidet usage. Best of all, the nozzle is retractable, which keeps it that much cleaner.

If you're serious about hygiene, you need this bidet. It has front and rear warm water cleansing. You can adjust the water temperature, water pressure, and the position of the aerated stream. First, your ass gets cleaned. Then, it's air-dried with a gentle, warm stream. And the seat is heated.

Fatherly IQ
  1. What do you want the president to prioritize in the next four years?
    Coronavirus
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    Healthcare
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