Would that we all looked like Marlon Brandon in Streetcar, hollering up to Stella, in a tight white t-shirt, arms rolled up, looking like the sex god we know we are. Alas, many of us dads are in the late-stage Brando of our physical embodiment. Not quite Godfather Brando, definitely not Don Juan Brando. Maybe around Last Tango in Paris Brando, just coming into the back nine of our bodies. This doesn’t mean we should eschew t-shirts entirely. But it does mean we must strenuously and assiduously avoid those from which our bellies poke out like an underboob or that stretch the fabric, both of the shirt itself and our self-esteem. It’s all about finding the right type of shirt that lays properly on your body. Here, then, are five t-shirts that, through canny fit and uncommon quality, are perfect for the guy who (normally) look bad in t-shirts.
American Giant Premium Crew T
The company, famously behind the world’s greatest sweatshirt and some of our favorite sweatpants, has recently expanded into shorts, denim and now t-shirts. In the battle of body versus cotton, flesh will emerge victorious. However, with a strong 6.6. oz slub cotton jersey, the t-shirt valiantly holds its shape. It’s not Spanx of course, but the generously cut shirt provides ample coverage for…American Giants.
Stance M Shelter Pocket T
Imagine if you could wear underwear for your torso. It is a fantasy that buoys me in my darkest hours. So soft a touch on my torso, zounds. Happily Stance — makers of my favorite underwear and socks — brings their fabric expertise with a new line of t-shirts. With a proprietary fabric, these shirts are softer than a soyboy but it’s the details that make them an ideal candidate for the t-shirt shy. The shoulder seams are rolled forward to avoid chest-drag — that is to say, your man-boobs will not be highlighted — while both the arm-holes and chest are of a generous cut for a modern forgiving fit.
Hugh & Crye Fitted T-Shirts
Better known for their quasi-custom dress shirts, the team behind Hugh & Crye recently branched out to t-shirts. As they do for their dress shirts (I highly recommend their white oxfords) their t-shirts come in 12 variations for 12 different body types from short slim, short athletic, short broad, tall slim, tall athletic, etc. All t-shirts are garment-dyed, super soft, made in Los Angeles, of course, well-fitted to you.
Bonobos Yarn Spun Pocket T
These days Bonobos has a slew of stores but it started off as an online only company and still has the OMG OMG something for everybody mentality. This extends to a line of Peruvian cotton t-shirts which come in seventeen colorways, with two options of fit (slim and standard) and three lengths (short, medium, long). That is, let’s do the math….let’s not do the math. But it’s a lot.
The key to why this high-quality 100 percent cotton t-shirt fits any body size is because the first step to getting the perfect t-shirt is downloading an app, putting on this silly full body costume fitted with hundreds of sensors called the Zozosuit, rotating in front of your phone and then waiting a few weeks. What arrives in the mail is a t-shirt custom made for your body type. (You can also customize your shirt in the app.) The innovative company, founded by Japanese billionaire Yusaku Maezawa, has also developed their own in-house fabrics, which stand up to multiple washes whilst retaining their shape.