How To Defeat The Dreaded Swamp Crotch

Stay high and dry.

by Adam Hurly
Originally Published: 
A man stretching with visible sweat stains on his armpits

Swamp crotch. Swass. Booty Dew. Whatever you prefer to call it, the accumulation of sweat down under is not an ideal situation. But it happens. Oh, does it happen. It happens when you’re sitting at your desk. It happens when you’re playing with the kids. It happens when you’re at weddings and funerals and in the houses of your kid’s friend’s parents. And while your body isn’t going to drain this swamp (ass) on its own anytime soon, you can become your nether Bayou’s personal clean-up crew by taking a few precautions. Here are three simple changes that will help you stay high and dry.

1. Upgrade Your Underwear

The biggest culprit to your swampy situation may not be anything biological. The fabric that’s smushed up against your skin all day is either helping or hindering circulation and moisture evaporation. First and foremost, you should wear something with a high percentage of cotton, since it absorbs sweat instead of trapping it against the skin. However, you don’t want 100 -percent cotton drawers, since your underwear is tucked away in your pants, which themselves aren’t allowing much ventilation. (The result is soggy cotton underwear that droops, in addition to aggravating the skin.) You want underwear that’s moisture wicking like your athletic wear. We tried Pair of Thieves, which does a solid job of absorbing sweat from the skin and pushing it through the fabric to the outside where it evaporates more readily.

2. Use A Salve

Once your sartorial choices are working in your favor, you can focus on a couple products that prevent sweat from accumulating in the first place. You’ve got two main options here.

  • Powders: Talc-based powders absorb moisture and keep the skin dry without parching it of its natural moisture. Phenomenal, isn’t it? Sprinkle one like Balla Powder for Men in your underwear after you put it on, and pat it between the thighs, under the junk, heck, even beneath the butt cheeks, and you’ll feel like you were 18 again. Well, only in the sense that it’ll feel as though your body hasn’t yet learned to sabotage you with constant perspiration every time you thought about hot coffee or red meat.
  • Tapioca-Based Creams: If you’d rather avoid talc, get a tapioca starch-based cream to help tackle the same problem. Products like Anthony No Sweat Body Defense provide more of a guarantee that you’ll get protection in every crevice, fold, or crease, and it dries into a powder-like substance that coats the area and helps prevent sweat from accumulating.

3. Shield Your Skin

If you have any minor chafing or irritation, or if you want an extra line of defense against sweat and fungus, then you should apply a zinc oxide cream to the skin at least once daily. Nourishing blends such as the vitamin- and essential-oil-based recipe in Junk Stuff from Mayron’s Goods are your skin’s salvation. They help heal minor issues (including chafe, bug bites, eczema, and more) while soothing the skin and creating a protective natural barrier atop it to block sweat from being absorbed.

If you want to add it to the rotation with these other products, then apply it overnight and wash it in the morning before applying powder or cream. Otherwise, substitute it in for either of those two if you are actively trying to heal and nourish chafed, dry skin.

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