The Candy Corniest Halloween Jokes for Kids

Scare-up some laughs, dad joke style.

by Fatherly
Originally Published: 
Halloween kids. Portrait Laughing boy with pumpkin face mask in witch costume hat with candy bucket ...
Elena Kalfa/Moment/Getty Images

Halloween season is almost here, and while scares are definitely the reason for the season, there are also plenty of opportunities for laughs. The best way to make your costumed kid chuckle their head off is by telling some funny Halloween jokes for kids. They might be corny—Halloween dad jokes are still dad jokes after all—but that doesn’t make them any less fun. And if your kids don’t laugh at one you can always tell yourself it’s a ghost joke—you just can’t see the spirits chuckling.

Here are a few dozen of the very best Halloween jokes for kids. These jokes are scary, for sure, but mostly because their dadness is truly horrific. You’ve been warned!

General Halloween Jokes

Q. What do you call a horse that only comes out after dark?

A. A night mare.

Q. What did the trick-or-treater get when he told a hilarious joke?

A. Snickers.

Q. If your happy kid dresses up as a cowboy, what candy should they get trick-or-treating?

A. Jolly Ranchers

Q. What kind of fruit should you eat on Halloween?

A. A blood orange.

Q. Why did the trick-or-treater think his royal costume was a failure?

A. He didn’t get any king-sized candy.

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Q. What did the haunted panda eat for dinner?

A. Bam-boo!

Q. What do skeletons order at restaurants?

A. Spare ribs!

Q. Why did Ichabod Crane make his horse stop?

A. The street sign said “Stop ahead.”

Q. What sounds do witches make when they eat cereal?

A. Snap, CACKLE, and pop.

Halloween Pumpkin Jokes

Q. Why was the carved pumpkin afraid?

A. It had no guts.

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Q. Why did the dad run out of gas on Halloween?

A. He forget to stop at the pump-kin.

Q: How does a pumpkin listen to music?

A: On vine-l.

Q. Why did the pumpkin take a left at the light, and not a right?

A. To avoid a seedy part of town.

Q. What do you call an Irish pumpkin?

A. Jack O’Lantern.

Q. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?

A. Squash.

Q. What do you call a family of jack-o-lanterns?

A. Pump-kin.

Q: How did the pumpkin get to the other side of the road?

A: A crossing gourd.

Q: What’s a pumpkin’s favorite movie?

A. Pulp Fiction.

Halloween Vampire Jokes

Q. What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?

A. Count Duckula

Q. Why did the vampire frequent the sporting goods store?

A. It’s full of bats!

Q. Why were Dracula’s pancakes so terrible?

A. He got turned into the bat-ter.

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Q. What did the vampire say when she saw her reflection?

A. Time to get a new mirror!

Q.What can you catch from a vampire in wintertime?

A. Frost-bite!

Q. Why did no one invite Dracula on Halloween?

A. He sucks the life out of parties.

Q. Where does a vampire clean himself?

A. In a bat-tub.

Halloween Werewolf Jokes

Q. Why did the werewolf go to the dressing room when she saw the full moon?

A. She needed to change.

Q. Why do werewolves howl at the moon?

A. No one else is going to do it for them.

Q. What’s a werewolf’s favorite day of the week?

A. M-ooooooooo-nday.

Q. What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a family dog?

A. A very, very nervous postman.

Q. How do you make a werewolf stew?

A. Leave him waiting for the full moon.

Halloween Monster Jokes

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Q. How many abominable snow monsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. Only one, but you have to believe in it first.

Q. Why did the baby wrap itself in paper strips and move to Egypt?

A. It was just trying to be like its mummy.

Q. What did Frankenstein say when he woke up from a nap?

A. “I’ve just had a shocking dream.”

Q. Why did the kid dressed King Tut stop eating candy?

A. She had a mummy-ache.

Q. Who won the skeleton beauty contest?

A. No body

Q. Why did the witch fail the pop quiz on Halloween?

A. She was so excited she couldn’t hocus focus.

Q. What’s the best thing to eat before you go trick-or-treating?

A. Beef Skellington.

Q. Where did the mummy go trick-or-treating in a cul-de-sac?

A. He likes dead ends.

Q. What does Bigfoot say when he ask for candy?

A. Trick-or-feet

Q. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?

A. He didn’t have the guts.

Q. Why did the skeleton forget to do his chores?

A. Who knows? But it was a bone-headed move.

Q. What kind of monster is the best dancer?

A. The boogieman.

Halloween Ghost Jokes

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Q. A ghost walks into a bar. What does he order?

A. Boos!

Q. What kind of story always begins with: “It was a dark and stormy night?”

A. A ghost’s bedtime story.

Q. What do ghosts like do drink the most?

A. Ghoul-aid.

Q: When does a ghost eat breakfast?

A. In the moaning.

Q: What kind of fruit do ghosts love?

A. Boo-berries.

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