SLEEP TRAINING

The Fatherly Recommendation: Fading

Choosing a sleep training method is a deeply personal decision. The right method is the one that parents feel is right for their family. We recommend the Fading method because, in addition to being effective, it’s a balanced approach that many parents find to be a happy medium between more austere Cry It Out methods and the Gentle Sleep Training or No Tears methods, and therefore a good place to start. 

The American Academy of Pediatricians (AAP) has researched Cry It Out methods (which include fading) and found that they work and are not particularly stressful to the child. We recommend fading over classical CIO or the Ferber Method because it gives parents a certain peace of mind: Unlike the Ferber and extinction methods, Fading allows parents to feel as if they are still nurturing and connected to their child during the sleep training process. 

That said, the method does come with some downsides. Fading will take longer to complete than other Cry It Out methods. And because parents are encouraged to interact with their child, they may lose more sleep during the night, making them more tired over the course of the training. However, many parents find that feeling tired but also connected and responsive to a child is better in the long run than feeling as if they’ve left their child to suffer — a feeling commonly reported by parents who engage in more extreme versions of Cry It Out.

Whatever method parents choose, consistency is key, as is a good bedtime routine or ritual, which can often set the stage for ultimate success in sleep training. 

“All behavioral sleep issues are 100 percent solvable, but it’s your job to be consistent in the routine so your baby knows what to expect.”

—Dr. Rebecca Kempton

Why Bedtime Routines Are Critical to Sleep Training

When babies come into the world, their sleep rhythm is chaotic. Not only do their sleep cycles typically last just 45 minutes, with brief wakeful transitions, but they also do not know the difference between night and day. And this last point is the reason experts suggest developing a bedtime routine. 

At first, the routine does not have to be elaborate. At the very least, a routine should include turning off screens, decreasing play activity, and dimming lights. This will help a child start to orient to the rhythms of their environment. 

But parents can, and should, add more to a bedtime routine. Experts agree that the best bedtime routines present a child with a series of cues that it’s time to stop being active and start getting sleepy. These cues might include a warm bath, some dental (or gum) hygiene, a story, and a song. With each activity, a child should begin to relax.  

Some experts suggest parents go the extra mile to make the routine a ritual, by adding special moments of connection. These might include a unique phrase or prayer, a moment of mindfulness, or a low-key imaginative game. Adding these elements are particularly great for older children who will start their sleep time with a sense of peace and connection. 

Whatever bedtime routine a parent chooses, sleep experts say that it’s important that parents put children down when they are “sleepy but not asleep.” This helps a child learn how to self-soothe and reduces disiorientation if they wake to find themselves alone in their crib. 

Sleep Training FAQs

• When should I start sleep training my baby?

Sleep training can start for many babies at 3 or 4 months old, but it will depend on when they develop the ability to soothe themselves to sleep. Babies simply do not have this skill until they’re at least 3 months old. Parents will know it’s time to start sleep training when their baby can be put down and fall asleep on their own, even if they wake up several times during the night. Most babies will be able to self-soothe and be ready for sleep training sometime between 3 and 9 months of age.

• Doesn’t my baby need me at night?

A baby who can self-soothe should be able to wake up during the night, which is natural, and then put themselves back to sleep without intervention from parents. That’s what sleep training will ultimately accomplish. While there may be times, like when a baby is sick, when a parent will need to be present during the night, most babies should be able to sleep through the night without being fed or rocked back to sleep.

• Will my baby cry during sleep training?

Some sleep training methods involve tears (and even have “Cry” in the name), while other methods are designed to keep crying to a minimum. Whether or not a baby cries during the process depends on a variety of factors, including the method being used and the baby’s natural temperament.

• Will sleep training be psychologically damaging for my baby?

It’s unlikely that sleep training will have long-term psychological effects of your baby. That’s true even for methods that require parents to not respond to a baby’s cry. According to a study in the journal Pediatrics, these methods were not found to have any long-term effects on a child’s developmental outcomes.

• How long will it take to sleep train my baby?

Sleep training can often be accomplished in two to three days. However, some methods extend the process to minimize crying. A lack of consistency will also extend the process, so parents should pick a method and stick with it.

• What is the best sleep training method for my baby?

The best sleep training method will depend on a parent’s level of comfort with the process and a baby’s temperament. A child who is more independent may respond well to a method that involves minimal parental intervention, while a baby who is very attached to a parent may do better with more intervention. At the same time, parents may feel more or less comfortable hearing — and not responding to — a child’s cry and will want to choose a method accordingly.

• Does my baby need to be in their own room to sleep train?

While babies don’t need their own room to sleep train (and in fact, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that they share a room with parents until they’re 6 months old), it can help if parents can separate themselves from their child. This is particularly true if a child is breastfeeding and is sharing a room with their mother: they’ll be much less likely to self-soothe if she’s in the room. At the very least, transitioning a child to a crib before sleep training begins will be incredibly helpful.

• Can parents share sleep training duties?

Parents can and should share sleep training duties. In fact, sleep training can often be more successful if a father takes the lead. This is why it’s imperative that parents come to an agreement on sleep training long before it’s time for the process to begin. A clear delineation of scheduling and division of labor will help.

Tips for Keeping Kids Asleep

Banish the Blue Light: Cell phones, televisions, and tablet screens have no business being on at bedtime or in a kid’s bedroom. Turn them off to optimize your kid’s sleep.

Try White Noise: White noise works well to drown out more disruptive sounds, and it mimics the sound of the womb, which was surprisingly loud. But if you use white noise, be prepared to keep it on all night. A sudden silence can wake a kid up.

Optimize the Nursery: Aim for a super-dark room, with a clutter-free floor to keep from tripping. The optimal temperature should be around 68 degrees to keep a kid from overheating. 

Don’t Skimp on Naps: It might seem to make sense that fewer naps during the day would lead to better, longer sleep at night, but that’s just not true. An overtired baby will often struggle to sleep. Keep naps consistent, even when sleep training.

Wait to Step In: Babies naturally wake during the night. They also tend to be pretty active sleepers. Some parents will make matters worse by intervening the second a baby fusses. Even if you opt for a more hands-on approach to sleep training, t’s better to give the kid a moment to see if they can soothe themselves into their next sleep cycle. 

Ditch the Swaddle: Babies who have their hands free will often turn to sucking fingers and thumbs in order to put themselves back to sleep. It’s a good tool for them to have.

Don’t Fear the Pacifier: There’s nothing truly terrible about a pacifier. In fact, having access to a pacifier can make it easy for children to soothe themselves back to sleep.