Being a dad has one of two outcomes on your creativity: it either kills it completely or forces every ounce of originality you ever had into pithy observations and sly comebacks. Some of us keep these asides to ourselves, others test them out on our partners. But the bravest among us hit up Twitter.
Twitter is a social media platform that may seem to be primarily made up of confusing memes and wild youths, but there are a lot of cool parents on there, too. Or at least we think we’re cool. Dads use Twitter to share the funny, silly, frustrating, and truthful events that happen in their lives. Some of them are famous. Some of them are Twitter-famous. Some of them are both. One thing is for sure: all of them are funnier than any of us.
And whether you are a brand new dad or a seasoned veteran in the parenting game, it always helps to laugh along with these hilarious dudes who are going through the same wonderful madness that comes with trying to raise a tiny human being. With that in mind, here a few of the best and funniest dad tweets from this week, including the ultimate dad power move, the importance of tacos, and the only pain worse than stepping on a Lego.
Asked a rival dad how many liters his car engine was in front of a group of people. Total power move.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 18, 2019
The Pain of Defeet
Stepping on a Mega Blok is the worst pain because it serves as a reminder that you can't afford Lego.
— Nathan Gregory (@MrGirlDad) April 16, 2019
I really like who I am as a parent when the kids aren’t around.
— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) April 18, 2019
X Marks the Spot
Sick of my kids' ABC animal books having to stretch for xenops and x-ray fish. Can we just change "cat" to "xat" and move on?
— *sigh*clops (@DadZZZasleep) April 18, 2019
What’s In a Name?
I can always tell when 9 is bored because he uses my full name of “Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.”
— TheAlexNevil, Word Vandalator (@TheAlexNevil) April 17, 2019
Bit of a Stretch
Stretch Armstrong but it’s just me bending my kids legs in impossible ways to get them into the car seat.
— Daddy’s Digest (@daddysdigest) April 18, 2019
My daughter is appealing to the Geneva Conventions to add a parent brushing a child's hair to the list of banned forms of torture.
— Dad Bits (@DadBits) April 17, 2019
Is it really stealing if your kid doesn’t know you got them the Easter Egg?
— FU Tang Bunny (@FU_Dad) April 18, 2019
Color Me Intrigued
The trick to getting your kids to eat more vegetables is to mix them in with their favorite foods. For example, I like to wedge a few carrot sticks into my daughter's crayon box.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) April 17, 2019
Taco to the Hand
6-year-old: *stares off into space*
Me: What are you doing?
Me: About what?
Me: *leaves her to think*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 18, 2019